DR. WRENCH

Road Tunes On The Cheap

2012-01-28T17:05:00.000-08:00

Shit happens when you get old. Like me wanting to put some tunes on my Heritage. I figured it might be nice to have something to listen to other than my co-pilot beating on my back a saying “I gotta’ piss”.

Now there are a lot of options out there to make this happen most of them just aren’t my options. The faring option? No way. To much smokes and coffee money. Speakers on the handlebars? Maybe. But you still gotta’ do something with the amp. Generally they get stashed in a windshield pouch or saddlebag. Both of which are not easily accessibly and lend to exposed wires. Plus I don’t really care for speakers on the bars. They stick out to far and screw up the flow lines.

So you’ve got this empty space between the bars and windshield that looked like something would fit there. Now to find it. There’s a lot of stuff out there on the www. Some cheap some way on the overkill side. I just wanted something to listen to Dean Martin on, not blast the paint off my tank with hippie music. I finally settled on a company out of Brooklyn, NY named Gooddeals18. They sell Shark Audio, which is a brand I’ve never heard of.

Judging by their pricing I guessed it would be poorly assembled crap from China. I was correct. I also knew I was going to disassemble every part. The speaker grills were painted to cover the ‘shark’ logo. Tabs were shaved down on the inside and fiber washers were added between the speaker and grill mounts. Never mistake a speaker with a mechanical vibration with a blown speaker. Two different things. The amp was striped and repainted. Again, to cover up the logo. Sorry folks over at Shark, but I don’t do advertising, just sarcasm.

The mount is 1/16 steel plate, 1” bar clamps, some welding, drilling and a project box mounted underneath to hide the wires. The amp plays my operas via a AUX input, USB or SD. Plus it has a FM tuner. The specs say its 250W. I doubt it, but don’t really care. Going down the road fast, of course, I can hear the tunes just fine at about 80% volume. The speakers shocked the shit out of me. The sound is excellent. The buttons on the amp are a little small, but at 3.25 inches across the front what do you expect. It doesn’t take long for your fingers to memorize what’s what. The only thing I really need is the volume control while moving. When I find a Glide that no longer needs its handlebar volume control and housing I’ll solder it into the amp.

All things considered, except for me being out about a hundred bucks, I think it’ll do what I want, for now. Other modifications are pending.

Holiday Music

2012-01-23T18:00:00.000-08:00

I know the ‘holidays’ are over, but I saw a cool Christmas Carol on youze-a-boob and thought I’d share.

Click here I think.

False Advertising?

2012-01-11T17:30:00.000-08:00

Ran across this advertisement in the January 2012 ‘Thunder Press’. I’ve got a question if anybody can answer it. Is this the throttle thingy that AZ-HOLE Performance uses on all their bikes? The ad sure seems to imply it.

New Years Message

2012-01-03T19:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was inspired with a New Years message for the World.

I stopped at Dave’s to see what was going on. My inspiration did not occur there. All we did at Dave’s was play with his son’s toys. What else do you expect two grown men to do? New toys, let’s play! My inspiration took place a few blocks from there.

On the way home I saw a bike waiting to pull out into traffic. For an instance I thought I recognized the bike, but the rider was all wrong. I watched in the mirror and let him get next to me. Yep, that was the bike. I hadn’t seen it in over ten years, but I was the same bike. The rider was vaguely familiar. I shouted over: “Do I know you?” He just shrugged.

We pulled on the shoulder. After the introductions were made, it was the SOB I logged a butt-load of miles with years ago. I thought he moved out of the area. He looked like shit. I mean really bad. Like he just crawled out from under a f’ing rock. The bike looked good. So we gabbed like two old hens at a picket fence for a while. This is when I was suddenly inspired with the wisdom of the world.

Since I’ve seen him: Mom died. Inherited her house. It’s a small house and he can barely afford the taxes. Son and his wife moved in. Has a live in girlfriend. Laid-off eight months ago. On pain meds from a bad back. And, his ex-wife moved in! WTF! Now there’s a Brother that needs help. Not help with life, it’s your life and you live it how you want. He’s not much of a wrench; so maybe I could help save him a few bucks on a car or bike repair. Maybe just sit and let him bend my ear for a while. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Here’s the part that really pissed on my inspiration. We both still have the same phone number and the others number in our damn cells. Just drifted away. I’ll be getting a hold of him this weekend to see if I can’t help out a old Bro that’s been through the meat grinder.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that as fucked up as this world is getting we all need a little help once in a while. Or we can help someone else with our special skills. And I mean help, not charity. Most of the folks I know won’t accept charity. But they will accept help from a friend.

So the words in this song are my New Years message to the World.

Chain ?

2011-12-05T18:25:00.000-08:00

In keeping with Wooley’s theme of wondering about stuff on Monday’s, there’s something I’ve always wondered about…chain. Good ole’ tow-chain, tie-down-chain, just chain. The stuffs been around forever. Nothing beats a six foot piece of chain when the need a’rises. Here’s the question: Why is it you always see someone ‘dragging’ a chain?

If anyone can answer that, please enlighten this old fart. It’s always puzzled me. I was puzzled by that chicken or the egg thing for years until I found out it was the ‘rooster’.

11-11-11 Parade

2011-11-15T18:10:00.000-08:00

Here’s the pictures from the First Annual Salinas Veterans Day Parade. No editing, no nothing. Just the way they were taken. If anything is out of focus just squint and take a shot of JD. You’ll never know the difference.

Nothing Changes

2011-10-03T14:10:00.000-07:00

Anybody remember Barry McGuire? In 1965 he did a song named “Eve of Destruction”. It was one of those radical anti-government protest songs. Some of you gray haired old farts probably remember it. Of course that’s the gray haired guys only. We all know there’s no gray haired woman thanks to Clairol Nice ‘n Easy.

Barry McGuire was in Santa Cruz last weekend. I don’t know why and never found out. I did however listen to a 2-hour bitch & bull session he did on a local AM station. Apparently he still thinks the government is a bunch of morons, which I agree with. The one thing that I got from the 2 hours, besides a caffeine buzz, was that Barry got with the original writer of “Eve of Destruction” P.F. Sloan and they did a updated version to reflect how peaceful we’ve become in the last 40 some years. Its called "Eve 2012". The original from 1965 is on the same page. So if you’ve never heard it you can compare them and then you’ll understand the saying: “The more things change, the more they stay the same”.

In keeping with the somewhat biker theme of this blog, I’ll tell you that Barry did his last movie in 1971 called “Werewolves on Wheels”. Billed as a ‘B’ outlaw biker flick. It’s on You Tube if you want to see it. But be forewarned; alter you state of mind first.

Just in case you’re wondering, that picture up top is the Snoopy band-aid the pretty nurse put on my ass this morning after she gave me a injection of Toradol.

To Much Caffeine. Again.

2011-09-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

Lets face it; the Country is in the toilet. We all know it, we just don’t want to admit it. I had to drive by that failed gov-ment sponsored solar panel company, Solyndra on Sunday. It sure is a impressive property. To bad it will crumble into dust soon. Nobody will use the plant, there’s no profit to be made manufacturing anything in the States anymore. I’m having a hard time trying to think of anything we make. Our beloved Harley Davidson is no better. I’m sure their corporate folks would sell out their mothers for a profit. Go to your local Dealer and look through all the ‘Genuine Harley Davidson Parts & Merchandise’. See if you can find anything that doesn’t have a sticker that says ‘Made in – insert name of outsourced country here’. They’re just like everyone else; they have assembly plants, not ‘manufacturing’ plants. Very few if any of their parts are made in the USA anymore. Just a damn shame.

Lots of people say that we’ve turned into a service economy. I prefer to think of it as a slave economy. Every other Country owns our ass and we’re just here to serve them when they come to visit and check on their money. Reminds me of the plantation owners of the Old South. Funny how history has a way of repeating itself.

And don’t think that any of those shit for brains morons running for political office will change a thing. There ain’t a damn one of them that wouldn’t sacrifice a virgin on the steps of Town Hall if it would get them re-elected. They’re all about me me me. You you you don’t mean shit to them.

Just my opinion, and you know what they say about opinions…..

Just Don't Drop It

2011-06-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder if a 94.5-inch long bike will fit in a 61.1-inch midget truck-bed? Turns out it’s kinda’ like the old 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag. After you figure out all the geometry stuff, it does works pretty good for a one-man operation. All you have to do is ignore the legs bending and the thought that the cheap-ass hyd cylinder could blow at any time and it works fine. The truck told me it wants a set of air shocks for its birthday.

Buggie's New Shoes

2011-06-11T19:51:00.000-07:00

Spied three bad-ass looking govment’ helicopters landing at the airport this morning. Really tight formation. No doubt they were military pilots. Probably some 3-letter agency here to bother the street gangs. Them guys drink a lot of coffee. Maybe I’ll run into them so I can have some fun with um’. Ever walk up to a stranger and ask if they’re a FBI agent? Try it sometime.

Well the filthy bike got a new pair of shoes. Fine Italian rubber. A nice shinny pair of them thar’ Pie-rel-ez’z. I run Pirelli’s on my Ironhead with no complaints. But that old bucket of cast-iron is a different ride than a modern computer between your legs. So now I need to figure out what psi I like. If I stuck with the OEM tires I would know that. But changing brands means I’ve got to experiment. The plan is to run Buggie at 38, 41 & 36 psi. See which one corners the best and leave it there. Oh yea, I just named the bike ‘Buggie’. Ran it today at 38 psi but couldn’t tell much. It was so damn windy you had to fight to stay in your lane. Guess I’ll have to repeat that part of the experiment. The work never ends.

Why ‘Buggie’? Well it’s always covered in bugs. I just can’t bring myself to wash it. There’s something about the artistry of Ma’ Nature that Man can’t duplicate. The delicate patterns and designs they make on chrome are not to be fooled with. It’s the way ‘She’ wanted it. It’s not nice to fool with Mother Nature. There’s a reason She had that bug fly into my eye. Don’t know what it is and it pissed me off. But there’s still a reason. Plus it’s a wheeled conveyance used to get from point A to point B. Sometimes it’ll even get you back again. That’s close enough to the definition of a buggie for me. Now I just need to look under the frame and see what sex it is.

Baby Needs New Shoes

2011-06-05T15:36:00.000-07:00

The damn thing needs a new pair of shoes again! How does this keep happing? Its called living folks. Like going through a tiny mountain town at 3 AM and scaring the crap out of the young lady stocking the corner store you thought was closed. Not seeing the surveillance camera until after you pissed. Or the young lady in the window stocking the shelves trying to act as if she hadn’t heard the Harleys in the middle of nowhere and desperately trying to avoid eye contact.

Having someone whisper when you’re half asleep that there’s a coyote behind you trying to sniff you like a piece of meat. Hey, the desert’s the coyotes’ house. So I guess it’s his rules.

Being woke up by the Ride Across America bicycle folks at 12:30 AM doing a rider and equipment change with their RV’s. They were nice people and they fed us. So we let them live.

Starting to nod off behind a out of business gas station and noticing a Sheriffs’ car across the street in the shadows that wasn’t there when you parked. He left after about 10 minutes. Guess he hadn’t seen the video from the country store yet.

Riding the last 200 miles of a 1500-mile jaunt in 40-degree temps at 2 in the morning. No such thing as packing to much cold weather gear.

Maybe that’s how the tires keep wearing out. That and a bunch of those yummy 5-hour energy drinks.

Here We Go Again

2011-04-11T18:15:00.000-07:00

So, we have to file federal income tax and state income tax. How about having to file county income tax? With no limit on the amount of the tax. Sound good? Bet you haven’t heard about this one. Wonder why. Kind ‘a like a dirty little surprise waiting for us. Here it is word for word. Anyone that lives in sunny f’ing California might want to read this and start making phone calls or sending e-mail to that a-hole that is supposed to be representing you in the state capitol. BTW it’s set for a hearing on April 27th. ********************************************************************************** SENATE BILL No. 653 Introduced by Senator Steinberg February 18, 2011 An act to add Chapter 3.8 (commencing with Section 7295) to Part 1.7 of Division 2 of the Revenue and Taxation Code, relating to local taxation. legislative counsel’s digest SB 653, as introduced, Steinberg. Local taxation: general authorization. The California Constitution prohibits the Legislature from imposing taxes for local purposes, but allows the Legislature to authorize local governments to impose them. This bill would authorize the board of supervisors of any county or city and county, by ordinance or resolution, to propose to the voters a tax, including, but not limited to, a local personal income tax, a local corporate income tax, and a local sales and use tax. Vote: majority. Appropriation: no. Fiscal committee: no. State-mandated local program: no. The people of the State of California do enact as follows: SECTION 1. Chapter 3.8 (commencing with Section 7295) is added to Part 1.7 of Division 2 of the Revenue and Taxation Code, to read: Chapter 3.8. General Authorization 7295. Notwithstanding any other law, but subject to the limitations of the California Constitution, the board of supervisors of any county or city and county may, by ordinance or resolution approved by the board in compliance with statutory requirements for submitting a tax to the voters, place on the ballot a tax, including, but not limited to, a local personal income tax, a local corporate income tax, and a local sales and use tax, for consideration by the voters. SB 653 — 2 —

Running Over Critters

2011-04-08T20:05:00.000-07:00

Ok Wooley, you asked for it. Here’s the ponytail contest. There’s a catch, of course. There’s only one contestant and that’s me. So I win by default. I’ll take my winnings in cash please.

Heard on the radio this morning that I dude rolled a garbage truck down a 50ft drop-off. He’ll be fine. Broke a few bones but he’ll heal. The report said that he swerved to avoid a animal. That got me thinking about bikes and critters on the road. But first a rant to the guy driving that truck: Don’t get back in it! You don’t belong there. I’ve driven trucks for years. Not much anymore. More darn paperwork than anything else. Not sure if I consider that a career advancement or not. I’d really rather just work on the stuff. Screw the paperwork. But there’s a hard and fast rule in truck driving: You don’t swerve for critters, period. You’ve got two things working against you here. You’re vehicle is top heavy or you may be hauling a trailer. A fast swerve can have very bad results. Slow down if you can, but swerve or lock it up? Never! You can hit a moose or cow with a rig. The worst that will probably happen is the radiator into the engine. That’s a whole lot better than going off the road. Ain’t nothing like a big-ass solid front bumper.

I’ve got a hard and fast rule for my bike also: If it looks like it’ll go under my front bumper, I’m going over it. Bigger than that I’ll try and avoid it. If it is a moose or cow, well I guess that’s when you find out if you’re getting a pitchfork or wings. You’ve got to be very aware of what’s on the roads. We’ve got a butt load of ground squirrels around here. I’ve seen many riders get spooked by the little vermin. It’s not the vermin’s fault; it’s the riders’ fault for riding with their head up their ass and not being aware of their surroundings. When I’m on a back road that’s infested with little varmints I find it easier to keep a eye on them if I turn the tables and hunt them down. Birds gotta’ eat to ya’ know. They love flattened squirrel stakes. You barley feel them squash under your tires.

While we’re on the subject of trucks, everyone that’s ever driven had a favorite. Mine was the one I used for hauling construction equipment. And yes, I built it. The old girl was a 1965 KW W-900. 292 Cummins big cam. 4X4 brownie box with a twin screw rear. 4th overdrive she’d run 85. 1st double-under she’d pull a D8 through a marsh.

Somehow this got away from ponytails. Don’t matter though. I’ve got to go drink coffee and clean off my workbench. Poor Tramp needs some surgery in the morning. Her starters acting up. So we’ll see what $10 part we can replace that will save a $600 dealer repair bill.

Just Life

2011-04-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

The Golden Rule: “He who has the gold, makes the rules”. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer. This is semi-political rant. So if you’re only semi-conscious like I am, it might not make any sense. If you’re un-conscious it’ll make perfect sense. I don’t know weather to laugh or cry over local politics. Every damn city is claiming poverty and needs more taxes. Enter our new Governor; Jerry ‘Moonbeam’ Brown. The head clown. You’ve got to laugh at this shit. It’s one hell of a comedy. Jerry says he want to get rid of all the city ‘redevelopment agencies’. What ever that is. I think it’s a code word for ‘slush fund’. He want to take the funds they have and spend it on whatever states spend money on. The cities don’t like that idea. They figure they can spend it before Moonbeam can get the law passed. Ok, they can’t have that much money stashed without any of us citizens knowing about it. Could they? I’m one of those pricks that reads the city budget. Not that I can do much about it, just like to catch the SOB’s in lies. Does wonders for my blood pressure. Take this little piss-ant, gang infested piece of Calif. I park my bike in. One day they announce they have 19 million in the ‘slush fund’. Hey! That’s a bunch of bread. But that isn’t shit. The next day, they say it’s a mistake and they really have 31 million. WTF? Who had that under their desk? That’s no bookkeeping mistake. So every time one of these local bastards cries poverty I tighten my butt cheeks a little more because I know what’s coming. I need to stop paying attention to this crap, but it’s hard to ignore your pocket being picked constantly. This rain for about the last month hasn’t helped matter much either. June is fast approaching. If things go as planed we should get in a nice ride to AZ. I understand there’s going to be some sort of biker ritual thing going on. Not sure if we’ll be sacrificing any virgins or anything, but at least it should restore part of my sanity. But then again, self-imposed insanity isn’t really a bad thing. It tends to keep people you’d rather not deal with far away from you.

A New Career?

2011-02-26T17:49:00.001-08:00

Think I found the perfect way to make a few extra pesos. I’m going to sell grass. ‘Real Calif. Grass’. The way I figure it, I’ve gotta’ mow the grass every two weeks year round, (but it’s still better than having to own a snow shovel), so why not make money off it?

I’ll market it as ‘Therapeutic Grass’ for those that live where that awful white stuff shows up for months on end. Every time you find yourself ass deep in snow, take a whiff of ‘Real Calif. Grass’ and curse the Snow Gods. If it smells a little like dog shit, all that means is that you got the ‘primo stuff’ at no extra charge.

Special Delivery

2011-01-14T21:35:00.000-08:00

OK all you commie pinko bastards out there; the Doc’s got a prescription for what ails you. All you gotta’ do is read it, quite your bitchin’ and get involved.

Got me a box of 50 copies. Bet I could dress like a bum, stand on a street corner and sell them at $5 a pop. Not a bad return on 25 bucks. It may come to that some day, but for now these are give-a-ways.

So here’s the sales pitch: If you respond in the next 10 minutes, I’ll mail one to anybody that wants one. Just e-mail the info. Send a blank, signed check, or a credit card number, and I’ll autograph it. That should up the value by a nickel in about 100 years. I’ll also accept winning lottery tickets or food-stamps. Only 46 left at this insane low price. Keep in mind that if I get in trouble for sending contraband through the mail, I’ll expect bail money.

The Battle Rages On

2011-01-01T14:00:00.000-08:00

Most of us have seen this poster from somewhere back in the 70’s. I’ve always liked it because it symbolizes how this country was formed. Weather you’re on the side of the mouse or the bird it doesn’t matter. We had one last great act of defiance against the King and came away with a Country.

Since this is the first day of a new year I wondered what could be my first act of defiance this year. I get into decusions about politics a lot. When we get to the Constitution most people talk crap but get it wrong. I carry a copy at all times. One in my truck, one in the map pocket of my riding jacket. When I take it out and set them straight on the facts, not what somebody told them the facts are, they usually agree and would like to learn more.

So I found a bookstore that was open on New Years Day a few town away, went there and got the copies of the Constitution they had in stock. There’re small and can be kept in the bottom of a saddlebag to be given to folks who think they know something but really don’t know shit.

I consider this act defiant because the government doesn’t want common folk reading such propaganda. I can only lead to no-good and them possibly loosing their cushy job. Plus the purchase of said propaganda puts money into the economy and helps keep private sector jobs. Something else they don’t want.

I’m also sure that the video of me at the cashier was sent to some dark government room someplace. After all, one person buying multiple copies of the U.S. Constitution can only mean one thing: “Damn troublemaker!”

Bah Humbug!

2010-12-26T11:00:00.000-08:00

That’s right bah humbug! This Christmas bites. I feel more like the Grinch form Dr. Seuss. So here’s my cheerful holiday BS message for everyone.

Here’s the scoop. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a blog. But there’s a good reason. The reason is “I’ve got a big mouth”. A little more that a month ago I went to a city council meeting to vent about the morons in charge. As Mr. Mayor was explaining his wisdom to the masses, I suggested a nice dark, warm place he could stick his ideas where they would harm no one butt him. Well it seems that Mr. Mayor can’t take constructive criticism and ask the nice Mr. Policeman to escort me out of the building for the rest of the meeting. No problem, I’ll be back for the next one. He walks me outside ‘and’ gives me a ticket for disorderly conduct. Prick!

Three days later I go to municipal court to pay the fine. The Judge says $100 fine. OK, I did it, I’ll pay it. But then this little shit judge, (that I know is buddy-buddy with Mr. Mayor), starts to lecture me about respect for public officials and blah blah blah all that crap. Well I’m there to pay a fine not listen to his rant. So I suggested that he join Mr. Mayor in his never-ending quest to remove his head from his ass. For some reason he considered that contempt and changed the fine to $300 or 30 days. I asked him if that meant I could live on county welfare for 30 days? He asked me if I was paying the fine. I said nope. He banged his stick and said ’30 days’ and I need to report to the jail Monday by 3:00 PM.

Well I’ve got all kinds of time-off saved. So arrangements are made and off on vacation we go. Turned out to be 17 days in my tax money paid hotel. But now I’m back and I’ll probably be even more dangerous now that I’m a public nuisance and a menace to society and all that stuff.

I want to thank the local Bloggers for not spilling the beans before I had a chance to tell my side of the story. Not that there really is any sides to it. Just a guy that has little if any trust in politicians. Screw them all, bah humbug! Pretty soon they’ll want to ban bikers from all public meetings.

And on a different note, I have a comment for someone. You know who you are. WTF is wrong with you? There’s an order to things in the universe. Why did you try to change them? You can stop to piss. You can stop to gas. You can stop to eat. You can’t stop just because it’s raining! That’s just wrong. It’s against everything in the Biker Code of Conduct. That’s like fooling with Mother Nature. Only bad things can happen when try to change the natural order of things.

Doing My Part

2010-11-21T16:00:00.000-08:00

Now that CA has it’s dumb EPA bike muffler law, I figured I’d do my part and try to comply. Hell, I’m the most law-abiding citizen you’ll ever meet. So I took a set of heat shields off a ’08 and stuck them on the end of the drag pipes on the Shovel. That’s as far as I’m willing to go with this dumb-ass law. In my mind it’s now ’08 EPA compliant. Friggen genius ain’t it!

But this kind of intellectual reasoning comes at great pains. It also puts some strange thoughts in your head. Like the Easter Bunny. I have a sneaky suspicion that the Easter Bunny is the illegitimate kid of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Think about it. Makes perfect sense. The Fairy spends all her time bent over a bed and Santa love tight spaces. Seems to me that they met up a few times over the years. Where do you think all those little elves came from?

Since they serve no purpose and look pretty strange, I think I’ll leave them on.

Thanks

2010-11-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

I took this picture in a dark bar one night in Williams, AZ. It’s a pair of army boots and a U.S. flag hanging from a ceiling beam. I figure today is a good day to share it.

5 Month Road Trip

2010-11-03T18:10:00.000-07:00

Gary, from over at USA Tour on a Harley-Davidson was spotted in town last night. He had his starlet-covered bike with him. I don’t know who painted Gary’s Road King, but the guy’s a genius! That paint is gorgeous in person.

Looks like he’s nearing the end of his 5-month putt. Gary sure as hell was happy about it. Not sure if it was from getting near the end, or being able to start Summer on the East Coast and end Autumn on the West Coast. That kind of ride would sure make me happy. It’s something we all dream about.

Cheap Crap

2010-10-31T10:45:00.000-07:00

This thing was handling like crap. Finally found the problem.

Here’s Ms. Wrench Wench inspecting the cheap stock Harley bolt that broke. I’ve never seen one of these bolts fail before. The next time I’m at our Failure Analysis Lab, this bolt will be under the microscope for a better look. I’m sure Harley would say that I’m to hard on it or I ride it too much. That seems to be their answer for everything.

This is the pain in the ass that cheap bolt caused. At a cost of $14 for new parts, none of them Harley, I’m glad my live-in mechanic works cheap. I’m sure the Stealership would add a few 0’s to the cost, and probably screw it up anyway.

Perplexing?

2010-10-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

I’m on about my 9th or 10th cup of java and a thought entered my vacuum. It’s common knowledge that those in AA tend to drink a butt load of coffee. Basically replacing one addiction with another. There’s always a big pot of coffee on the table at any AA meeting.

So I was just wondering, if I went out a found a ‘Caffeine Anonymous’ meeting, would there be a keg of Bud on the table? Somehow nothing is making sense too me right now. I think it’s the caffeine buzz taking over my mind.

Road Art

2010-10-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

Ya just never know what you’ll see at a Army surplus store. Went out to J&S Surplus in Moss Landing today. Just to look around, they’ve got some neat stuff. Plus a pretty good Biker Leather store.

This sculpture is a new addition. I suspect the artist is somewhere in the Santa Cruz mountains tending his ‘weed’ patch with a big ole’ shit-eating grin on his face.

Tramp Lives

2010-09-26T19:00:00.000-07:00

Yes folks, the Road Whore’s got a ride again. My advice? ‘Hide your livestock!’.

Had a great time helping a Brother save a butt-load of gas money. Plus, not many folks will let you do surgery on a ’08. They still take it to the dealer, and I still can’t figure out why. The above inner primary bearing is a example of why I will never take a bike to a dealer.

VD’s doing a movie so I’m not going to step on his dick. But this bearing pissed me off. Dealer installed around 10,000 miles ago. There were several things wrong with the installation of it, but this one just stood out like a erection at a nun convention. Most school-trained tech’s would pull the ring and press the bearing out. Bad move schoolboy. Us backyard boys inspect as we tear down. Look at every detail. Don’t clean or disassemble components until you get good look at stuff.

Right were that zip tie is sitting, is a oil-hole drilled through the snap-ring grove. The ears on that ring need to be on either side of the hole. The dumbass that installed it cut the life giving fluid to a drip. The poor bearing was starved to death. Bearing killer!!!

A Chapter In Life

2010-09-20T17:45:00.000-07:00

We loaded up my little girls’ car and my truck Saturday, made the three-hour drive and got her moved into her college dorm. Three hours isn’t that far, but for a dad it seems like the other side of the world. She’s happy so I’m happy. I’m proud of her accomplishments. But I’m also saddened and depressed by the empty bedroom. I know it’s just another chapter in life, but it kind of sucks.

2010-09-19T14:20:00.000-07:00

No stories. Just some pictures from the last trip to AZ.

The Plan

2010-09-01T18:51:00.000-07:00

There’s more to a bikini Birthday bash than the party, there’s the trip there. So here’s the plan: I’d like to get out of here around 3-4 on Friday afternoon. That should put us somewhere on the Tehachapi Pass around 0:Dark 30. Find a place for the fartsack and some deep thoughts. Then, and only then, ride into the Desert at sunrise. It’s one of the best head-shrink sessions that money can’t buy.

Caveman Broke My Bike!

2010-08-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

Well sort of. It’s been leaning over to far on the stand for some time. Figured something was worn and it could wait. Friday night it leaned wayyy over. Something’s not right. Now, possession being 9/10th of the law and since Caveman was riding it… Just kidding. Looked at it the next day, crap! The kickstand mount ripped out of the frame. After Ann and Big D. left Sunday, I pulled the engine and welded the sucker. Good as new.

When desert dwellers come out here what do they want to see? Ain’t you got no water in Arizona? That visit was way to short. I’m not buying that excuse about going to work. Wanting to get your kid off for the first day of school? OK, that I buy.

BTW – Tramp & Patience did get hitched. It’s their story, so you’ll have to wait for the ‘official’ version.

Countdown

2010-08-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

In less than 24 hours this will all change. B.B. won’t be sitting by the ocean waiting for her ship to come in, and Dave won’t be laying on train tracks waiting for…I’m not really sure why he’s on the tracks. It looks like a bad idea.

These two kids will be hitched forever. I’ve never met two people that just seemed so right for each other. Except for me and mine, (I had to say that or it’s the couch for me). I wish you two all the happiness in the world and many, many years of riding into the sunset together. Congratulations!

Look at who just showed up at my house! It's Ann & Big D. While they may be here to witness the ceremony, I have it on good authority that they’re really here to guard the exits so nobody can try an escape.

Use Your Brain, Please!

2010-07-27T17:06:00.000-07:00

We had the MotoGP here this weekend. As usual, someone was killed due to someone else having their head up their ass. I just don’t get it. These were not kids, although they were on very friggen fast bikes, in heavy traffic! I ride that road all the time. You don’t make a u-turn on a normal day. And how can the bikes going the other way be so inattentive that they don’t see what’s ahead of them? Speed baby! You just left the racetrack and now you’re a racer. Well I got news for you. That piece of shit you’re riding isn’t the same thing they run on the track. Not even f’ing close! Stop doing that crap in traffic. You’re killing the ones that support you!

There are some later unconfirmed reports that alcohol may be involved. Which brings up another rant. Booze and bikes don’t mix. Save it for when the ride is over. A split second of slowed reaction time is all it takes to kill your best friend.

Psychic Or Just Crazy

2010-07-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

When news broke that the President had been assassinated on a trip abroad, the first act of the newly sworn in ex-Vice President was a promise of immediate reprisals against the terrorists responsible. The Country went into a deep state of mourning and cries for war filled every headline and newscast. Three days later it was learned that the Presidents own Party, for political reasons, had carried out the murder. The entire fabric of society was shredded within hours. All business and commerce ceased. It was now anarchy rule. The world was powerless to stop it.

In the weeks and months following the collapse of society the entire Country was thrown into total chaos. Neighborhoods banded together and barricaded the streets. Gangs of thieves roamed the cities and towns. It was now survival of the fittest and no one was exempt from the carnage. Two types of people were commonly shot on sight; any ex-politician, as they were seen as the cause of all problems that now engulfed the Country, and any known gang-banger. As one between the eyes was considered the best way to deal with dangerous animals.

“Maybe I’ll finish this story, maybe I won’t. Could be the beginning is the end. Or the end is the beginning. Could be I’m just crazy. Maybe I’m psychic and can see the future. Could be maybe I’m psychic and can see the past”. Just have a good time and don’t sweat the small stuff. It’ll all work out in the end. Gotta’ go now. I hear the black helicopters!

Tip Of The Iceberg

2010-07-23T19:08:00.000-07:00

Bell, California. Population – 38,000 (small town).
Per capita income - $24,800 in 2008.
Chief Admin. Officer - $787,637 w/12% annual raise.
Chief-O-Police - $457,000.
City Council - $100,000 to meet once a month.

Apparently the good folks of Bell were not aware of this until someone mentioned it at a City Council meeting four days ago. Yep, you guessed it, all hell broke loose. Since then several City Fathers of Bell have resigned. With their public pensions intact of course. California Attorney General, Jerry ‘Moonbeam” Brown says he will investigate the matter. Yea, ok Jerry. Any wonder why every state, city and town is broke? I’m sure this is just the tip of the iceberg and us, the taxpayers, are a bunch of fools for allowing it.

Really Dumb Question

2010-07-10T17:45:00.000-07:00

“I wake up in the morning and I know it’s going to be good if I stick out my elbows and they don’t pump wood”. That’s a line from a song I just heard. Good damn song. Heard it on KPIG radio. Something about that line bothered me; ‘What’s he talking about?’ Is he talking about waking up and pushing up on the inside of a wood coffin? Or, is he talking about the other kind of wood? The kind of wood that’s the scourge of women everywhere that like to sleep late when daddy likes to get up early?

Never Said I Was PC

2010-07-06T17:20:00.000-07:00

You want real border control? No, this isn’t PC, but it’ll work.
Build one of these every mile...

And put two of these in it.
Nothing comes across the border you don’t want coming across the border.

The tower can keep them in place while the guys in the trucks find out who they are and what they want.
Like I said, it may not be PC, but a fence and asking nice doesn’t seem to be working.

Scary Times

2010-06-30T20:22:00.000-07:00

I was just watching a report that the Congressional Budget Office released today. I got up and walked away. What they said, in round numbers, was that in 2008 our debt was 40% of our Gross Domestic Product. Today it’s 60% of our GDP. At current spending levels they predict in 10 – 15 years our debt will be 100% of our GDP.

There’s not much happy crap in that report, but there is one silver lining in the cloud over DC. If they are correct, then it’s possible that we could have a Revolution in my lifetime. Not that I really want one. It would destroy this country as we know it. But if we’re bound and determined to have one and it’s unavoidable, I’d prefer to be able-bodied when it happens. Just saying.

New (Old) Air Cleaner

2010-06-27T13:30:00.000-07:00

Got my hands on a few freebie air cleaners. One is from something in the early 1980’s. These things were fuggley ugly when they came out and they’re even uglier now. So naturally I had to put in on the Shovel. I must say that this is the biggest ugliest damn air cleaner I’ve ever seen. So hell yes it’s staying! Now I’ve got to move the oil gauge, I can’t see it. It’s a never-ending battle messing with these old bikes. Just one more part that has no business being on this bike. Which is kind of the whole point in doing it.

Weekend Pictures

2010-06-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

There’s a whale out there someplace.

Pacific Coast Hwy photo op.

Bixby Bridge.

AZHD thinking about moving to CA.

Fishing or pissing, I’m not sure.

Believe it or not, the old guy being ‘talked’ to by the cop was washing his pick-up window with Windex. The wind blew some Windex on the car parked next to his and the b*tch called the man. And they actually showed up! I’ve got to talk with the Mayor about this crap.

bob showed up Saturday and got some new extended feet holder thingy’s.
Yes, he brought mq01 with him. (She won’t let bob go out alone).

A note to the last person that wrenched on bob: You work for a dealership, act like it! If you strip a bolt, and you know damn well you did, replace it you jackass!

What I found Sunday morning. Just like bears to honey.

Dave gives Paul a going away present.

Bye till next time.

Crap In The Garage

2010-06-17T18:09:00.000-07:00

Got home from work and hit the dry bar. Now if I can get the energy to check the oil and tires, it won’t be a total waste of a night. A thought crossed my mind: “I very rarely ride behind anyone”. Most people I know want me in front. Weather they think I’m safe, or don’t trust me behind them, is something I’ll never know. I do have a habit of riding up folks asses. If I’m following, it’s never fast enough. Don’t know why, just the way it is. I think I have issues with people that ‘baby’ a perfectly good engine. Open that mutha’ up and let it breath. It won’t break. If it does, It was gonna’ break anyway. Screw it.

I ain’t one for sitting in stopped traffic. Lane splitting is one of my favorite things. Between, around, against traffic, I don’t care, I love it! My wife hates it. Every time we split she tenses up. I can feel her thighs tighten around my ass. Maybe that’s why I like splitting. Sounds like good practice for becoming a dirty old man.

The tires and oil are calling. Here’s a toast to everyone having a safe weekend and getting in some saddle time. Peace.

Hurry Up Friday!

2010-06-16T17:45:00.001-07:00

Work sucks and the Prez is a ass-hole. That little stuff doesn’t bother me. The plan is to be in Paso Robles about noon on Friday and hook up with a fellow blogger out on a joy ride. Hit the Coast Hwy and ride back to the big city. Then hook up with another blogger coming from the north. At least that’s the plan. Whatever happens, I won’t be at work and I’ll be on a bike. So screw the small shit. We’ll save that for Monday. Weekends were meant for hanging with Brothers and Sisters. Talking bikes, working on bikes and riding bikes. And like that goofy cat under the bike, sometimes I even sleep with bikes.

Crap!

2010-06-07T18:30:00.000-07:00

Son of a b*tch! Just walked over to look at the up-side down printing on the rubber brake pad and damn! It fell off again! Screw the glue. If I find it, I’m drilling a hole and putting a metal screw in it. And if that don’t work, I’ve got lots of Duck-Tape.

Where Parts Come From

2010-06-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

I noticed this morning that the rubber pad for my rear brake lever was gone. It was added to a mental list of things I’ll probably never fix. A hour later while returning from a trip to the store I see a old brake lever pad laying in the intersection at a red light. Ride out in the middle, get off the bike and pick it up. Yes, I know you shouldn’t stop in the intersection like that. Screw em’, I’ve got plenty of insurance. Funny thing about that pad, it looked like the perfect fit for the lever. Hell, it was probably mine, as it’s a route I travel all the time. Just more proof that if you need parts for a old bike don’t buy them. Keep your eyes on the ground, you’ll find them.

Getting Wired

2010-05-27T17:20:00.000-07:00

Here’s the plan; take this Ditch Witch trencher harness and replace the rear harness in this old bike. Hey! That sounds like a good DIY TV show: “This Old Bike”. Folks sitting around a home garage screwing with old bikes. I’d watch it. The harness is getting pretty brittle. It’s been cut, spliced and taped to death. Some of the wires are stretched so tight they won’t take the vibration any more. Snap! Twice in the last month. I figure if I cut it where the wrench is and use the section on the left I’ll have all the connections I need. Hell, this harness will probably outlast me. Replace that hard plastic plug under the tank with a Deutsch and I’ll be able to take jumps with it.

And since Ms M's Place has officially made this into a bike & pussy blogosphere, here’s a picture of Sassy the day I got her. She was # 3 on the ‘list’ at the SPCA that day. Numbers one and two had already left this world as we know it. She seemed right happy getting out of that cage.

2010-05-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

Haven’t seen the sun here all weekend. But still managed to ride most of it. Discovered that my front brake light switch isn’t performing its desired function. Something to do the next rainy day. Besides, as Rat so aptly put it “Hey Brakes are overrated..and stopping is for sissy's..Just ride damn it,,”

Rumor has it there’s a red Sportster running around town doing wheelies and stuff. I sure hope Patience didn’t break out of the barn while B.B.’s out of town. That would be wrong.

Happy Hump Day

2010-05-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

Some people read palms. Some read tealeaves. Some read taro cards. Some can’t read. Me, I read cannabis seeds. I just tossed my seeds and studied the message they held. It was a frighten sight indeed. I wish I hadn’t done it. What the mystical seeds revealed was that in the next three weeks the Market will crash and loose about 25%! How’s that for hump-day pick-me up?

Now the magical seed have never been wrong. They’ve predicted everything from the demise of the dinosaurs to the birth of Harley. So you know this is the real deal. Not some hocus-pocus, mumbo-jumbo crap.

Photo hy-jacked from the web. Honest Officer, that shit ain’t mine. Someone put it there.

Train Station Concert

2010-05-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

Had to run a errand this morning. Riding past the train station it looked like something was going on. So on the way back into town I made a detour. Some sort of open house thing. They’ve got a few old engines on display. At one point they were in a city park, had been for forty years. With the vandalism being done to them, they moved them to the Amtrak station – behind a fence.

There was a old Chevy P/U with band equipment. Talked to the drummer. They’re a band named the ‘Dreamers’ out of San Jose. Sounded good to me. Went home, put the wife in the bitch seat and headed for the free concert.

There was one other bike in the parking lot. That’s Tony’s Fatboy, I think. Yep, there’s Tony. It’s his bike. Hadn’t seen Tony since he did a gig at VD’s shop a while ago. He’s in a biker band. They were going to do a few sets, but one of the members had an emergency.

We got a tri-tip sandwich and watched the Dreamers. The band was good. The quality of my free camera stinks. But the price was right. I think Carolyn was getting annoyed with me. Any gestures she may make are surely directed at me.

Well, the clutch is now cool. So it’s back to work. And a happy Mothers Day to all you mothers out there.

B.A.C.A. 100 Mile – The Day Before

2010-05-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

DAY ONE, Thursday, we had no plans of going to Parker, AZ. Harley Dave and his bride, Darth Vader, were going to Lake Havasu, AZ. They planed on leaving Thursday and we planed on leaving Friday. So VD and I took a vote. 2 - 0. Thursday it was. More road time.

Now HD & Vader, I love you both. But if I knew then what I know now, I might have waved and said: “Have a safe ride”. The next five hours were pure joy! Rain and 35 – 55 degree temps. Hwy 46, a.k.a. The James Dean Hwy, takes you over the Santa Lucia Mountains, the fist Range we needed to cross. Funny thing about mountains and storms, they usually equal soggy, miserable bikers. Of course miserable is just a state of mind. If you block out the cold and rain it doesn’t exist. But it might explain that nasty fishtail that almost made me close friends with a section of k-rail at 70-mph. Just wasn’t my time.

In and out of several storms was just plain boring. It’s all part of life. As we neared Tehachapi Pass the rain eased up and stopped. Not sure if that was a good thing or not because the clouds over the mountain looked nasty. There was no rain going over the Pass. Lots of snow on the ground and near freezing temps. Got to the other side and dropped into the Mojave Desert and it was still cold! Even hit a little more rain.

Finally, a ways outside of Barstow the rain stopped and it warmed up to about 60. We stopped for gas at a place with a crap load of bikes. We noticed that all the bikes were shinny. Was this ‘trailer queen’ town? Or did everyone stop here to clean their bikes? We started looking for trailers.

A little gas and grub, back on the road. About 20 miles from Havasu, one last gas tank before hitting town. Sun’s going down, spectacular desert dusk. Half a mile down the road HD pulls over. He’s hearing sounds. VD and I ride next to him, nothing heard. Screw it, head to Havasu. About 8:30 meet up with HD’s friend, Dave (Road King). RK has a small dwelling and he already had two more than the place was built to handle. We’re packing bags so it don’t matter. He makes a phone call and says: “I got a double at Motel 6 for $58, you want it? After a day in the rain, a shower and dry clothes sounded ok. Besides, the next day was sightseeing until about 6:30, that plan got shot to hell thanks to ‘someone’ not packing an extra master-link. Might as look presentably for the public. Don’t want them to think we’re nothing but dirty bikers or something. Hey Road King! If you ever read this, that was much appreciated. In you find yourself in the area look us up.

HD’s bike got a check and test before we split. We all came to a consensus on what the ‘sounds’ were. This isn’t meant to poke fun at anyone; but it gave me a good chuckle, it’s your science lesson for the day. Seems that HD was wearing earplugs the whole trip and removed them at the last stop. Now his ears were getting readjusted to the real world. I wonder if there’s a new road-name in there someplace?

The Motel 6 chick was cool. Said she left Salinas 20 years ago because of the gang problem. Let us park in the loading area outside the office. I think she felt sorry for us. Unpack the horsey’s, a gut full of some nuked concoction, and a little libation. VD hit the showers about 11:00. I sat and killed the half pot of old coffee and shot the shit with the Motel 6 chick till about 12:30. I wonder if that coffee had anything to do with me being wide awake and ready to hit the road at 4:30 AM?

Note* Didn’t get a lot of pictures on the ride over. It was cold, wet and heavy glove time.

What You Find In The Desert

2010-04-26T21:30:00.000-07:00

Got a phone call about 5:00 Friday, it was Boston. Said she was broke-down, Caveman went to find a master-link.

Me: ‘OK, shit happens. Where are you?’
Boston: ‘In the middle of f’ing nowhere!’
Me: ‘How far is that from the intersection of 60 and 72?’
Boston: ‘I have no f’ing idea’.
Me: OK, see you when you get here’.
Boston: ‘I’ll keep you posted’.

We looked at the map and ‘the middle of f’ing nowhere’ looked to be 30-40 miles from where we were. Whatever it was, about 20 minutes later Dave and I were pulling up to the scene of the crime.

I checked my odometer, looked at Boston and said: ‘I just rode 651 miles to find your ass broke-down in the middle of the desert?' Then laughed my ass off!

It was the perfect start to a MC camp-out.

“Secret Mission”

2010-04-21T19:00:00.000-07:00

In a few hours, we’ll be headed for Arizonia on official business. Because of security concerns, the ‘people’ we’re going to see have asked to remain anonymous. I hope we can all respect their privacy. Thank you.

There’s a big pile of dirt separating point-A, which is where we’re at now, and point-B, which is where we’re planning on getting to. We’ve had a storm passing through here for the last two days. It looks like we’ll be keeping each other company until we reach the other side of that dirt pile. The bike’s finally going to get that wash-job.

Soon, very soon, the inmates will be running the asylum. Hell hath’ no furry like Brothers on a mission!!! The Dr. is out, and the Road Grits Café is closed.

The sign on the door now reads: “Gone Riding”.

2010-04-15T18:57:00.000-07:00

Got a new rubber!

Opps! What I meant to say was: "Got a new rubber!"

Guess I Better Fix It

2010-04-13T18:44:00.000-07:00

Maybe I’ve been riding too much. I need to work on the dumb thing. Typical of a wrench, my shit is falling apart while I work on other folk’s stuff. That’s the way it’s always been and will be. Just the way of the world.

VD was lying on my garage floor the other day modeling a pair if socks, (kinky), when he looks under my bike and pronounces that the rear brakes are shot. Not what I wanted to hear but I looked. He was right. Another 4-5 hard stops and the rotor would buy the farm. Further inspection revealed pretty much no wear indicators on the rear tire, they were worn off. I thought I had just put a tire on. I guess they just don’t last like they use to.

Normally I wouldn’t care, just go till it breaks. But since we’re taking off next week for AZ to visit with fellow bloggers, it’s time for a trip to the local independent parts house. Pads and tire will be in tomorrow. Now if I can find someone to work on my bike for me…

While we’re on the subject of tires… Feb. 20th I got a quote for my daughter’s car. Yesterday I went back to seal the deal. In that short span of about two months nothing changed on the price of the tires except the taxes. $13.05 in new or increased taxes in 51 days. That crap is creeping up on us fast.

He Said What?

2010-04-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

So I guess you don’t need one damn living brain cell to be a Georgia Congressman. When I heard about this, I just had to find it on You Tube. I’ll give a lot of credit to the Admiral for not laughing in this morons face. I would have been rolling around on the floor dying from laughter. I sure hope no one I know in Georgia voted for this idiot. Stay away from the edge if you visit Guam.

Just Another Ugly Bike?

2010-03-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

A few days back I was puttin’ around town when I spotted some bikes outside a local watering hole. So I stopped and sat for a while. One guy I didn’t know kept staring at my bike. About ten minutes later he says: “Ya know, that thing is about two steps from a rat-bike”. All I could do is say ‘Thanks’. The dude made my day! That guy new a fine piece of Japanese craftsmanship when he saw one.

Now the old girl is 32 this year and she was looking pretty ugly last year when I decided to rearrange her parts. The first thing to consider was the budget, or lack of. After consulting with my finance administrator (wife), a budget was decided upon. It would consist of whatever spare parts I had or whatever I could get for free. So the show bike theme was out. Why not go the opposite way? No paint, no cleaning no nothing. Just use parts never intended to fit. Make it even uglier, but with style. The decision was made. It would be a piece of shit but look like a hundred dollar hooker from a distance, a ‘long’ distance.
The budget quickly went south. The timing advance was worn, as were the clutch basket studs. The threads were somewhat smooth and would sometimes make it hard to shift. So new parts were purchased. The bike now had a value of about $60.00.

The one thing I knew was getting changed was the rear fender. I hated the short skinny one and wanted a much longer one, (don’t we all). An old Yamaha front fender seemed to fit in the space, somewhat. But mounting it with the struts was not to be. New struts were made at a cost of I now owe a favor. The saddlebags, that have been cut up for different bikes, and are now held together with old bootlaces, cover the custom struts just fine. The seat mount is really hoakie but serves the purpose. The rims were found hanging on the wall of a barn. They were put there around 1980. I aired them up and used the rubber that was on them since it was better than what I was running. I don’t think the FL shocks have any fluid in them. But the forks leak anyway. An old re-jetted Sporty carb feeds the thing, sometimes.

Now without making this to long with a lot of boring detail, here’s the question: Is this thing really about two-steps from being a rat-bike? Which I take as a compliment. Or is it just apiece a of crap? In which case I made a mistake by cleaning some of the rust and heavy grime.

Yes? No?

2010-03-05T22:09:00.000-08:00

A cigarette afterwards? Yes? No?

Hell, that’s what I’m doing now ;)

CA Smog Check Update

2010-03-03T19:00:00.000-08:00

Here’s the latest update on California SB-435. That motorcycle smog check thing. It looks like ‘they’ amended ‘something’ on 1/11/2010. If this thing passes, I can live with it. If I read this right, what is says is that they’ll have the bailiff whack your pee-pee if they catch you tampering with pollution control devices. OK. If I get caught, whack away. Yep, this thing definitely changed. Here’s the way they left it last year. You can read it if you want. It’s long and legal. But some of it’s interesting. Here’s the same thing with the amendments from January. This one you can read in about a minute.

It’s possible that all the hate mail helped. Mostly though, it was all the shops bitchin’ about the cost of ‘mandated’ equipment they would have to buy. Looks like somebody got their head out of their butt and figured that putting shops out of business right now, might not be a smart move. Whatever the reason, it’s better than the original. It may rear it’s ugly head again in a few years, but for right now…

All Is Right With The World Again

2010-03-01T08:20:00.000-08:00

Over the last few months, or even the last few years it has seemed that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Nothing but bad news, worse news and even suckier news. Just been waiting for something good to happen. Something that would uplift the entire world. Then it happened. I heard a news story and had to check it out. I found this video, watched it, and decided that all is right with the world again. Things just can’t get any better. Anyone who wants to make this a better world can sign the petition here.

Just Idling Along

2010-02-21T19:15:00.000-08:00

Been having idle issues with the ’07 Heritage. When coming to a stop it would sometimes drop off almost to the point of stalling. So last night I decided to do a little surgery on it. Rip and tear is more like it, but when a chainsaw and pickaxe are the only tools you own you just have to make do. So after checking the most common causes of this type of motor misfucktion, I settled on the Idle Air Control (IAC) which controls the idle and the Intake Air Temperature Sensor (IAT) which sends a signal through the ECM to the IAC so it can control the idle. Basically it’s a mess of wires, plugs and sensors that makes the electronic fuel injection system work. And they’re a bitch to get at. Hence the chainsaw.

So I get these two little buggers out and yes, they are all gummy and probably not doing their duty. Since one has to read air temps and the other has to open and close a air passage, I figured gummy ain’t good. So a little TLC with some toxic chemicals and back into their little holes they go. I attribute the crud to the oiled air filter. Which I will gladly deal with over risking a tear in a paper filter. But all that engine goobley glop isn’t what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about why was I the only bike on the road.

This morning I wanted to take it out and see if I screwed it up worse than it was. I went out on some back roads to warm it up then into town for some stop and go in traffic. All the time noticing that I was the only bike on the road. The temperature was right at 60, but no other bikes. WTF? Then it finally occurred to me: “Could it be this liquid sunshine that has everyone at home cleaning their chrome?” I even swung by the HD shop. Empty parking lot. But they still had the buffalo wings on the table in front of the big-screen with some car race going on. Free food? All for me? You damn skippy. Pig-out I did.

The front parking lot. Called due to rain I guess.

Who can resist the smell of wet leather? Yum!

Yep, the idle circuit works just fine. I guess the chainsaw method of fixing a Harley works after all. Go figure.

Just My Opinion

2010-02-19T20:30:00.000-08:00

All’s I got to say is: Tiger, get out of that stupid sex rehab place. It ain’t gona’ work. The only way to stop having sex is to be dead. So just do the honorable thing. Now get the hell off my TV!

Decisions Decisions

2010-02-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

This is really hurting my brain. Some decisions are just hard. I can’t figure out which direction to go. If I go down the coast it’ll probably drop into the high 50’s. Head north through the valley should yield some mid 60’s. Or east for a ride in the redwoods, where I suspect Ma Nature will be flirting with 70.

Hey but wait. It gets worse than that. Not only don’t I know which direction to go, but I was in the garage BS’ing with some neighbors when I figured out that I can’t decide which bike to take either! Ain’t that a bitch! I guess it really don’t matter which direction I go or which bike tags along, the point is; I’ll be ridding while some of you poor bastards are up to your butt cheeks in white wet crap. I hear there’s been some pretty nasty storms f’ing with some of you. That really sucks.

I feel for you, I really do. But after living in that white evil for 20 years, I can’t ever imagine living in it again. I promise I’ll twist the throttle, hard, for the Brothers and Sisters that can still keep their food down while looking at snow through the window.

Pussy Question

2010-02-04T17:30:00.000-08:00

Why do cats do this? The second the garage door opens they run outside and roll around on the cold concrete. I prefer rolling around on a nice warm carpet. Is there something in the water? Should I ease up on the catnip? Or are all cats just weird? They look like they’re having a bad catnip flashback or something. Inquiring minds want to know.

Saturday Ride

2010-01-31T16:00:00.000-08:00

It was a dark and stormy day, (not really), but there were storms brewing on both side of the valley. It rained like hell the night before as it has for about the last month. I’m almost ready to move to snow country, just not yet. I’ll put up with the rain awhile more. We decided we needed a ride anyway. We went up to the San Luis Reservoir to check the water level. It’s on Highway 152, better known as Pacheco Pass. It runs between Hollister and Los Banos. Nothing like going over the Pass when you know storms are approaching. Not very smart. But considering the riders, Carolyn, Dave and yours truly, smart didn’t figure into it. B.B. couldn’t go. She had to go pick up…never mind. It’s none of my business what she had to do.

Going up was pretty nice. Temps around 60 or so. Coming back they dropped like a rock. We made it back before the rain did so it was all good. We’ve got three rainstorms moving in this week so we’re not getting off scott free. We’re not ass deep in snow either.

The pump towers this past summer and yesterday.

Gratuitous butt shot.

Dave’s little furry friend. He threw rocks at it for about 5 minutes. It never moved. I think it was saying: “Throw nuts you a-hole!”.

Snowtime Story

2010-01-29T18:00:00.000-08:00

Damn Terry! You sounded like an old geezer in that Dec piece. If its on the Internet is must be true! $1000.00, that’s a good one. Is that bar next to the tree with the bark on it? Hell, I’ll be there. Post-dated check to follow.

Willy D.
Salinas, CA

The above is a e-mail I sent to Terry Roorda about his column in Thunder Press. For the e-mail to make any sense you’ll have to read Terry’s’ “The devil in the details”. For you folks sitting in a cabin waiting out a snowstorm, this might kill 5 minutes. Sorry, it’s the best I could do on short notice. Yep, snow still melts. This guy writes some fascinating shit. This one is pure friggn’ genius.

I Took Notes - Sorry

2010-01-28T17:07:00.000-08:00

Yes I watched the State Of The Union. Most of it anyway. Had to take a few smoke breaks. And I took notes. Not because I’m a good student or anything, but because I believe one should study ones enemy.

This is a list of the things the guy speaking said that got my attention. First is the topic the speaker brought up. Second is my thought on that topic that I jotted down.

‘Small business tax cuts’
You’re just now thinking of that?

‘Stop reckless spending’
Look in the mirror!

‘Climate Change Bill’
Really dumb idea. Move on.

‘Trade Deals’
Don’t ya mean sell the Country? Just repeal all the ‘Trade Deals’ Clinton made.

‘The banks are helping folks keep their homes’
That’s a damn lie!

‘Save one trillion dollars over two decades’
That’s pocket change. Means nothing.

‘Used the D word (depression)’
Was that a subliminal message?

‘Chastised the Supreme Court’
Bad move asshole.

‘The Wars ending’
Dude, the war against you hasn’t even started yet!

‘Coming for your nuclear weapons’
38 specials are probably next.

So that was some of my thoughts on the subject. After watching the speech I still think he’s a lying SOB and I still don’t like him. That’s just my opinion. Yours may differ.

In The Garage III

2010-01-24T11:05:00.000-08:00

Well, back in my favorite chair listening to some f’ing kick ass old tunes.

Got in a ‘discussion’ this morning about how to tell good coffee, (mine), from bad coffee, (Carolyn’s). She makes her 100% Columbian coffee in one of that fancy ass Mr. Coffee things. Takes about ten minutes and looks like weak tea. I just don’t understand the point. I doubt there’s enough drugs in it to give one of the cats a buzz. Now my coffee is totally the opposite. I drink the cheapest instant I can find. There’s just something about those puffed up cardboard coffee crystals that scream “I’m full of the good stuff, drink me”. But the secret is in my coffee mug. That alone is a work of art. It sits in the same place constantly, on a cabinet between the washer and dryer. I assume it gets all kind of flavors in it. From dryer lint to soap powder to the cats probably licking it. It’s perfectly seasoned and gets washed maybe every two months.

I contend that coffee should be multi functionally. Her coffee wakes you up (maybe). My coffee, two level teaspoons of sugar and two super heaping teaspoons of brown crunchy flakes, all mixed together in a seasoned mug with hot water from the water cooler serves several functions. It wakes you up, fast. It feeds you. Yes, it’s thick enough to eat. And, as I discovered in this test I devised to tell good coffee from bad coffee, it makes one hell of a parts cleaner. It’s a win – win. You can live on the stuff plus degrease you bike. What more could you ask for?

And as an added bonus, I’ll send my secret coffee recipe to anyone that can guess the part used in the degreasing test. It’s a OEM Harley part that’s been in use for many, many years. You can still buy it today.

Semi Tech Tip

2010-01-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

Here’s a tech tip that might work on bikes or it might not. It might not even be a tech tip. It could be the ramblings of a lunatic. Or perhaps, the wisdom of pure geniuses.

I have a combo fan / light in the living room that works by remote. That means that the wall switch for it has to stay in the up / on position.

My kid likes to leave the driveway light on because it’s dark when she gets home. Daddy don’t want the light left on. Daddy has to pay the electric bill. So Daddy puts a nice automatic light up for the driveway. So now the wall switch for the outside light must also be left in the up / on position. Now the light goes on and off like magic. Saves Daddy money. Me likes money. But I’ve also noticed that she still turns the switch off when she comes inside. Just one of those habits. I’ve done it myself. You don’t know it until wonder why the light’s not working.

So here’s the tip part: If you have wall switches that have ADD, (activation direction dysfunction), like mine do, try this; Mount the switch up side down. Keeps people from turning off what you wanted left on.

If this has helped just one person have a better running bike then my work here is done. So until next time, this is your Uncle Willy saying: “Be kind to your neighbors. They know where you live”.

Calling All Mass-Holes

2010-01-15T06:06:00.000-08:00

It would appear that the Peoples Republic Of Massachusetts has the opportunity to shut down Pelosi and Pbo. My advice: Get out and make your voice heard. Three more years of this runaway government is not something we can afford. But if you’re happy with all this hope and change, at least have the balls to stand on the tracks as the train plows your ass down.

If Brown gets into office and does nothing else for the entire term, just dealing a deathblow to Pelosi’s antics is more than anyone else is willing to do. The fate of the Nation is in your hands. Vote early and vote often, Chicago style.

Monterey “Tea Party”

2010-01-11T04:00:00.000-08:00

Just in case anyone is interested in this kind of stuff, and is planning a ride to Monterey, CA, soon. There’s going to be a "Tea Party" protest Saturday the 16th, Noon till Two. I’ll be there. Waving my flag and flipping f#ckers off.

Back In The Garage

2010-01-08T20:16:00.000-08:00

Well, back in the garage staring at bikes and drinking coffee. Got a sleeping bag sitting on the Shovel. She’s begging. The bag was sitting on the Heritage the other day when the wife walked into the garage and said in a no nonsense, I want a answer now kind’a way: “What’s the bag on the bike for”? I think she thought we were taking a break. Nope. Just the bag I had in the back of my truck. Brought it inside and didn’t put it away yet. She said: “Oh” and walked inside. I think she was begging also. Soon Carol. We’ll hit the road soon.

So I’m sitting here and I’m dreading tomorrow. I’ve got to spend about 4 hours tomorrow raking leaves and mowing the lawn. Then it hits me; “You f*ckers that live in snow country have it too f’ing easy!”

Now before you get you’re plug wires crossed and say: “Willy, are you out of your damn mind?” “We’re ass deep in snow and you’re bitching about your lawn?” “You a-hole!”
Let me ‘splane myself here Lucy. You guys are ass deep in it. You “know” you can’t go anywhere. You accept the power of Mother Nature and jump on the snowmobile or put sheet metal screw in your tires and play pinball machine with the snow banks.

Here, it’ll probably hit 70 degrees tomorrow and I “have to” do the lawn. I’ve already put it off for two weeks and I’m just not that rotten of a neighbor; I’ll do my part.

Think about it. What’s worse? Being in freezing, ass deep snow and you can’t go riding? Or being in 70 degree weather and you can’t go riding?

I’ll tell ya, when you look at he weather here, and know that periodically you have to sacrifice a day like this to actually do chores, well, it really tears at your soul.

A Political Question

2010-01-02T09:10:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know that some people don’t like politics and won't comment on them. That’s fine. Just vote when it’s your turn. The question of the 2012 election, which is fast approaching, seems to be shaping up as a pretty darn important one. This could be the one that literary means sink or swim for the USA.

Everyone knows that I very rarely delve into politics. I’m an average citizen. I’m just not smart enough to know what’s good for our Country. I don’t have the criminal background to be a public official.

I just watched Greta Van Susteren interview Sarah Palin. In my opinion Sarah is one smart lady, compared to the current occupant of the Oval Office. So, if she decides to run in 2012, that would make it Palin v Pbo. Question: Who do you think would win that election? I think Palin would kick his ass and send him back to Chicago with his tail between his legs.

What Are You Doing New Years Eve?

2009-12-31T04:00:00.000-08:00

Meow meow purr meow purr hiss hiss meow purr purr meow?

Translation: Romeo Oh Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

Should Of Posted This Yesterday But I Got Lazy

2009-12-26T11:10:00.000-08:00

Ya’ know, sometimes it’s just the little things that make you think. Take sitting here in the garage with a non-filter and a cup of Rollick’s finest. It’s making me think of last night – Christmas Eve. When I was sitting on my ass in this same chair last night, I had one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time. And I didn’t really do shit.

Bro. Dave had to be brewing at 0: dark thirty. So I figured I’d brave the cold and ride down to his shop. A coffeehouse is damn nice destation when your going on a dark, damp, cold ride. Hung out and bull shited with Viking most of the morning. When he got off work we took a ride over to see Wolf and wish him the merriest of seasons. He threatened to get a restraining order if we ever came back. Love ya’ Wolf, you’re a good Brother. Everybody said their best Merry F’ing Christmas and goes their separate way to take care of last minute details.

So I get home X-Mas Eve and there’s not really anything to do. The daughter is gone to a party, just the wife and I left to fend for ourselves. What to do what to do. A quick trip outside to abide is some local agriculture. Then we just sat in the semi-dark garage, the kitchen light glowing through the door. I put on Arlo Guthrie’s “Alice’s Restaurant” and we sat there staring at the bikes and listening to 40 year old tunes. And it was a damn fine time. It also made me think. The economy is in the toilet; I’ve got no idea how secure my job is and all that other negative crap. But then all that faded and the positive took over. I realized I’ve got some great people in my life.

Even with all the break-ups going on it’s still possible to be in love after 20 years. I wouldn’t trade my wife for anything. Becky and Dave help keep me sane, although I might trade Dave for a nice Panhead, but that’s a whole different story. All the folks out there in Blogersville, the ones I’ve met, Ann, mq01, Big D, Arizona Harley Dude, Biker Chickz, you guys hold a special place in my life. All of you I haven’t met, yet, you help me keep things in perspective. There’s a lot of wisdom floating around out there. Just wanted to let all of you know that I appreciate you being part of my life. You help restore my faith in humankind.

Now jump on your bike and terrorize the neighborhood! We wouldn’t want the “public” to get the idea that we’re nice people.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

2009-12-24T06:40:00.000-08:00

Originally I was just going to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and leave it at that. I guess I can still do that; Merry Christmas everyone!

But then the voices in my head started talking and no matter how much kool-aid I drank they wouldn’t shut up. And since Political Correctness isn’t in my vocabulary, I couldn’t resist taking a jab at some of my favorite people. Love them or hate them, you have to admire them for being consistent. Consistently not listing to what the people that pay their salaries say.

T’was the night before Health Care and all through the House,
Nancy was whoring like a queer little mouse.

The Senate was snug in their warm office beds,
While visions of botox danced in their heads.

Her stockings were hung from her shoulder with care,
In hopes that a new vote would be in her rear.

She wandered the Halls looking for votes,
She found one outside taking a toke.

She gagged and she swallowed she spit and she swished,
She now had the vote right there in her fist.

The deal is now done she proclaimed with a grin,
As the last vote she needed ran down her chin.

***Any similarities to any persons living or dead are purely accidental***
Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Fight. Ho Ho Ho!

Back on the government “watch list” I go.

Just A Observation

2009-12-17T17:51:00.000-08:00

For the last week I’ve been paying close attention to the ass-end of cars. No, it’s not a fetish. But hey, some of those little imports do have cute rear-ends. I’ve been looking for something. A few months ago they were all over the place. Now I can’t find a single one. It actually gives me a warm fuzzy feeling that I can’t find any. What I’m been looking for is a f’ing obama bumper sticker.

Those things were on every other car a while back. Now I don’t see any. I’ve concluded that there are only two reasons for this. Reason 1: Everyone that voted for (choke) obama participated in the cash for clunkers and now has a new car. But I don’t think auto sales are up that much, so that’s probably not the real reason. Reason 2: (The more likely one) Everyone that voted for (just threw up in my mouth) obama is so damn embarrassed to have anyone know it that they tore the stupid thing off. How’s that hope and change working for you now?

Interview With Pbo

2009-12-04T19:00:00.000-08:00

Someone sent me this interview. They had no idea where it came from. But after a long and exhaustive search I think I found the story behind it. Seems that the interviewee was just walking down the street one day and some dude in his garage asked if he could interview him. So out comes the microphone and it’s on. Because of all the black helicopters buzzing around and the guys in dark suits with sunglasses, the disguise came out also.

The audio portion was broadcast about a month ago on radio station WSHIT “the brown spot on your dial”. It was only aired once, and then the station was mysteriously flushed away. Gone, right down the drain. Never to be seen again. But I managed to get not only the audio but also the video. So this is a world premier of the interview they didn’t want you to see.

***Disclaimer*** This is a parody, political satire, you know, part of my 1st Amendment Rights. But just incase someone doesn’t agree with the U.S. Constitution I have a solution. Go to the nearest U.S. border crossing, cross the border and burn your passport. Bye Bye.

Williams, AZ - A Little Late

2009-11-29T11:00:00.000-08:00

These were hanging from the ceiling of the bar in Williams, AZ

Yes, I know this is late. I started it on July 11th. But hey, I just found a math test from the 8th grade I never finished. I smell a GED in my future!

OK. So you all know we took a trip to AZ. Why, I don’t know. Crap, after two hundred miles, my wife decides her hinny hurts and we have to call her mommy to pick her up. Maybe I should have put the rear seat on? The fender didn’t look that hard. Then, after nineteen hours on the road I get to sleep on a plywood bed with things crawling on me. I think there are critters that live in that mountain air, I saw it in a movie once it must be true. The next morning I’m sitting outside enjoying a cup of rancid coffee and a non-filter, just sitting there, minding my own damn business, when these people in leather start shouting my name and start trying to hug me. Boy, I’ll tell ya’, those people in AZ are pretty darn friendly. Don’t they know that if you do that in Alabama you’re considered married! They said their names were Ann, Big D and Arizona Harley Dude. I asked for ID but nobody had one. Likely story. I still think they were spies from the California Air Resource Board sent to Arizona to try and screw up that State also.

The next thing I know I’m being dragged into some two hundred year old building they said was a restaurant. I think the waitress built the place, but she had a mind like a steel trap. She took everyone’s order without a notepad and got everything perfect. Now I’m being forced to eat some strange redneck food while listening to a discussion about the proper use of the word penis. Hell, maybe I did get married that morning. I know I heard Dueling Banjos playing on the eight-track.

Shortly after that I found myself with a whole bunch of those leather-clad types on bikes, riding from one end of town and back again. It was like some sort of circus freak-show. I could see the towns-folks pointing and warning their children. You could hear them: “See that one with the beard and tattoos? Stay away from him! He’s trouble”. The sign on the hardware store said there was a “this weekend only” sale on “pitchforks”. I wonder why. I kept a close eye on them.

After all the dirty looks from the locals I spent the afternoon following around a 2-speed Sporty. The two speeds were 0 and friggen 90. Nothing in between. Anybody who doubts that a Sporty packing two-up can’t leave a Big Twin in the dust; well shit happens. After a day of riding in the cold, rain, heat and everything in-between, we wound up at a local shop for some pretty darn good road-kill to put in our bellies. Possum, maybe beaver or squirrel. Don’t matter, it was good.

Later on we went to one of those places folks go to and play grab-ass. They have beer, liquor and other mind altering stuff. You best keep an eye on you ass if you go to one of these establishments, someone might grab it and not give it back. But hey, if you think your ass is too big and you want to lose some, sign up for the frequent ass-grabber plan. After a few hours of grab-ass watching and more local animal abuse, it was back to my plywood Sorta Perfect Sleeper.

The next morning was some leftover possum and a trip from Williams to Phoenix for a overnight before heading back to CA. It was pretty uneventful except that you ride through some of the most spectacular scenery on earth. When we got close to Phoenix and traffic was starting to back-up Ann warned us that we “could not” split lanes in AZ. So being good law-abiding citizens we respected the law and “did not” split lanes. We rode down the shoulder to our exit.

Eventually we found our way to Big D’s garage. Full of bike, parts and tools. I felt right at home. The fact that Ann, Big D, AHD, the kids and the folks from B.A.C.A. that stopped by were all down-home genuine folks didn’t hurt either. Some of the best people you would ever want to meet if you ever get over that way. The rest of the nights activities are a little fuzzy, so rather than make stuff up I’ll leave it out. I will say this: “Big D, if you ever run for public office I’ll vote for you”. Even though you probably wouldn’t win because most people won’t accept the truth.

The next days ride back to CA sucked (damn helmet law!). Don’t get me wrong. It was a good ride with great friends, B.B. and Dave, but you’re ridding away from something you don’t want to end. While the saying “ There’s always next year” is true, it took me so long to get of my ass and finish writing this that “next year” is only a few months away.

Thankful It's Not 2029!

2009-11-26T10:51:00.000-08:00

This is Kay’s latest commentary I heard today. Although it may not be the most uplifting message of the season, it may not be far from the truth. After hearing this, and since it is Thanksgiving, I figured I should be darn thankful it’s not 2029… yet!

"The following is a KSCO commentary. Here is Kay Zwerling: OK. This has been floating around for awhile. Sounds like life will not be much fun in the future. Headlines from the year 2029: Ozone created by electric cars are now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minority are still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language. Spotted owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. Baby conceived naturally, scientists are stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. Last remaining fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon). Iraq still closed off. Scientist estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year, $75.8 billion study: The result is that diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 pounds. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Average height of NBA players is now 9’7”. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. And, Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with a Congressman. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%. Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. And, there you are. These are the headlines in the year 2029".

Now that you know what the future holds have a Happy Thanksgiving.

--This part was added a little later in the day--
I went on a short ride before going out to dinner with the In-laws, who are great people, but still remember guys, do what your wife tells you. It seems that Belle was feeling a little left out at not being invited to dinner so she acquired her own Thanksgiving feast.

What Is It?

2009-11-24T18:46:00.001-08:00

This is stupid and probably darn near impossible, but I gotta do it anyway. It’s those voices in my head. Can you guess what the arrow is pointing to? The one on the left is a piece of human hair.

More Voices?

2009-11-21T17:00:00.000-08:00

06:30 Saturday the thermometer reads 40F outside and it rained last night. Being of a not to bright nature I figure it’s perfect weather for a ride over to Carmel Valley. So now I’ve got to pick a bike. Find my three-sided coin, flip it, and ok the old 84’ Sporty it is. Bundle up in my best Saturday go-a-riding attire and piss off the neighbors. Let me tell you about Laureles Grade, the road that goes over the mountain between the Salinas Valley and Carmel Valley. Every time bike races are held at Laguna Seca several bikers are injured, or worse on the Grade. It’s one of those knee dragging, up and down twisty roads that crotch-rockets love.

I start heading up the hill and for some reason the “ICY” sign at the bottom catches my eye. Could it be more of those voices in your head that Arizona Harley Dude hears? After all, 40 degrees in the valley, rain last night, several thousand feet up the hill might be different. Never noticed that icy sign before.

I had two reasons for taking that ride: 1) Because I’m stupid and like to freeze my ass off. 2) If you get up there before the Sun is up you can get above the clouds that blanket the valley this time of year. Just about at the top of the Grade I run into an old friend I remember from the East Coast: “Black Ice”. I didn’t like the SOB then, and I like him even less now. Going into a left curve the ass-end started to fishtail like a baby seal that just saw Jaws. Crap, this thing’s going down! Or option number two: Screw trying to make the turn and go straight into the dirt pullout. The drop-off on the other side can’t be more than a few hundred feet. Throttle up, pull the front-end up straight, hit the dirt and stopped the wayward bike, upright. Hey, this is a good place to get a picture with the clouds over the valley!

Judging by the fresh skid marks in the dirt, I’d say that a small car hit that ice just a few minutes before I did. If they had hung around for awhile bet I could’ve got them to take a picture of me next to the bike with crap running down my leg.

I guess it’s a good thing that we all occasionally hear voices in our heads, we just don’t always listen. Another 15-20 mph like I usually take that road? Somebody else might be writing this…for a newspaper.

Follow The Pussy

2009-11-15T17:20:00.000-08:00

This might sound strange but it’s true! I swear on a stack of Shovelheads that it’s true! One of my cats came up to me and said that she’s seen all the useless junk I put on my blog and all I do is waste my time in the garage screwing with the bikes. At first I thought it was weird that she knew what a blog was. I didn’t think a cat was awake long enough to do any reading. But then the other two cats walked over and said they do lots of stuff when no one’s home. Who’d a thunk it. Cats actually don’t sleep all day!

So I asked what they wanted. They went over to the corner and got in a little cat football huddle. They came back and said: Look bozo, if you want some really good footage get your camera and follow us around for awhile. We’ll show ya how to have fun. I said ok I’ll bite, lets go. By the time I got my camera they were all sleeping and I had to wake them up. Maybe I’ll wake up soon. I think I’m dreaming.

Veterans Day Disgust!

2009-11-12T18:06:00.000-08:00

That is totally absurd! Just got home, sitting in the garage with a cup of coffee listing to the radio. The station is in Santa Cruz, CA. Anyone familiar with Santa Cruz knows that it is so far left politically that all official city documents spell "left" with two L’s. The radio host, Charley Freedman, is a Navy veteran and schoolteacher. He really has no use for Santa Cruz other than he works at the radio station.

He said this story, which the local papers did not carry, might offend some people. It seems that yesterday, 11-11-2009; there was an event at the Santa Cruz Veterans Hall. Someone in the neighborhood thought it was too loud and called the local noise patrol. This was about 6:00 PM. Far from the 10:00 PM kick in for the noise ordinance. What crime were they committing? They were playing “God Bless America” and some son of a b*tch was offended. The worst part is that the local Police actually went on the call and told them to turn it down. Big ass damn crime. Damn America loving bastards. Not in Santa Cruz, we’ll show you!

To the Santa Cruz Police Officer that went on that call: You’re a a-hole! You should resign immediately and get the hell out of The United States Of America. You don’t deserve the freedom those Veterans gave you!

Description Of A Veteran

2009-11-11T04:00:00.000-08:00

Veterans are described many ways by many people. This is the description I prefer.

“A Veteran is someone who at one point in their life wrote a blank check made payable to the United States of America for the amount of up to and including their life”.

Fugly Ugly Forks

2009-11-08T17:25:00.000-08:00

Finally got tired of looking at those pitted ass forks on my bike. I wish the factory would stop putting clear coat on them, but it looks good in the showroom. Looks like crap after a few miles but that’s life. So here’s my secret for getting that junk off. The stuff was called Goose’s Magic Mix metal prep cleaner. Now it’s called Magic Mix. Google it or find it at most truck stops. Make sure it has the bunny wabbit on the bottle. By itself it won’t do a damn thing to clear coat, as most chemicals you can buy won’t. Clear coat is some tough stuff.

So the trick? Green scotch brite pads. It has some sort of chemical reaction with a scotch brite pad. Put a few drops on the pad – you can smell the acid. I tried other brands of pads, doesn’t work. What kind of acid is it? Hell, I don’t know. But it gets rid of clear coat, that’s all I care about. You can wear rubber gloves if you want to, but hey if you can kill two birds with one stone and get rid of those pesky fingerprints that keep getting you in trouble and have purdy forks at the same time, why not.

I spent about five hours to do both forks. You still have to use a little elbow grease. The more screwed up the clear coat is, the easier it comes off. Then wipe it down with a wet rag and polish with your favorite metal polish.

Corny

2009-10-18T10:18:00.000-07:00

Took a ride yesterday out to Swank Farms in Hollister to get lost in a corn maze. Some of you in Iowa are saying; “Pay good money to walk through a corn field? Are you crazy? We just go out in the back yard”. Nope, scored some free tickets from some radio guys. BB, Dave, Riley, Carolyn and I went out there to look at corn, and yep, it was tall green stuff. The ironic part was that it was right across the road from Corbin’s but we were the only bikes there. My favorite part was watching those giant slingshots shooting pumpkins and watermelons. Some of those people really busted their butts. But it was all fun.

Bitch Loud & Often!

2009-09-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

This ain’t got crap to do with bikes, just me running my mouth. I haven’t been posting or commenting on anything lately because I’ve been doing my civic duty. I’ve been waging my own war with the local powers-that-be. The local issue I oppose was to be heard this Tuesday by the City Council. It “did not” make it on the agenda. That surprises me because the other side has all the money and tried to keep most of it from the public. Weather or not writing a butt load of emails, letters-to-the-editor and going out knocking on doors and talking to folks helped or not, I don’t know. But it’s not on the agenda, at least for this month. Maybe bitching loud enough works sometimes. And I can certainly bitch pretty darn loud when I think someone is trying to stick it in me without any lube.

And that brings up the “good news” that this country is not headed toward Socialism. We’re way the hell past that. Can you say Totalitarianism? When you have nuts like Ahmadinejad and Kadafi falling in love with a U.S. President that should scare the hell out of you. They should be scared shitless and hate his guts. Something’s wrong. And those little kids singing the “obama song”. What’s next? Little red obama books? Chairman Mao would be proud. And WTF is up with them saying they aren’t going to post that health care scam on the Internet until after the vote? Who the f#ck do they think they are? Oh that’s right, they’re the Lords and Masters. We are but the humble servants. The point is that we all need to start bitching very very loud and very very often. If we don’t, then we deserve what we get. Control of every aspect of our lives. Right down to how many pisses you can take each day.

The "Wolf" Is Back!

2009-09-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

I’m sure some of you remember a few months ago FLHX Dave posted about Brother Wolf taking a hard spill in that f’in LA traffic. Well that was three months ago. Since then poor Wolf and his ride have both been recuperating. We go over and see him all the time, but something tells me it’s not the same for him, watching us ride off while he’s standing on his porch with no ride. Today Wolf’s iron horse was ready to leave the stable. I knew I should be there but I’m also an a-hole. I showed up, just never told anyone I was there. I sat across the street so I could get a quick video of his first time back in the saddle. Wolf still has a few weeks before the doc gives him a full thumbs up. But his ride is rebuilt and back home where it belongs.

Deep Do-Do

2009-09-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, a comment was made that made me think. The comment: “I’m thinking so many things, I don’t know what I’m thinking”. That made me think about what I was thinking about. So I thought about what I was thinking about for the next five minutes, these are those thoughts:

We sat in the campfire and watched as the monkey pulled the feathers from the octopus. The flames licked at the blinding night sky as if the sun were reaching up to burn the depths of the ocean. The sound was eerie; much like the laugh of a centipede sliding slowly to the top of a martini glass. The wheels rolled through the hot frozen tundra like a fart through a sandstorm. Time-travel would soon be lost. Past and present were now one. How long would it take to take no action? How far down the road less traveled must one go to arrive? Would you arrive? Do fish-sticks come from frozen lakes? The sudden deafen sound of silence was an indication that the world had imploded; the sun would not rise tonight. The smell of moldy gasoline filled the coffin. The cook would be happy.

Corvair Trike

2009-09-03T07:15:00.000-07:00

The other day Dave called. Said he was at Wolf’s house and I had to get over there and see what just pulled up. OK, any reason for a ride. Potato Potato over to Wolf’s. It was worth the ride. The story I got on the Corvair Trike: The owner’s uncle started the build in 1970. Took about ten years to finish. It’s been sitting in the barn under a tarp ever since. It has about two hundred miles on it. He just inherited it and it’s for sale – cheap.

The thing I like is the engine in the middle instead of the rear like most builds. All of the British parts from the 60’s and 70’s are pretty cool also.

The Final Battle VI

2009-09-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

As Luke stood and watched the fireworks over DC he thought about what tomorrow would bring. The ACF was pretty organized as a Military unit went, being made up of HOG chapters, ex-military and civilians who were willing to die to restore their Country. But to be a real Government of the People and avoid the mistakes of the past, those plans were still waiting to be scratched on a restaurant napkin.

Luke thought back to what many considered the last straw. What many said was the final act of a corporate government destine to self-destruct. After the 2016 election, the foreign interest saw what was happening. They wanted assurances their investments were safe. They called in their markers. China and Japan wanted their loans to the U.S.S.A. paid, in full. Of course the money only existed in the backroom of some Wall Street bank on a fake ledger. The loans could not be repaid. After several threats, on both sides, and many rounds of “peace” talks, the decision was made to repay the loans with land grants. DC, and a one hundred mile radius around it were exempt. The rest of the U.S.S.A. was “Tax Granted” to pay the foreign debt. The plan was for all properties outside the “exempt zone” to be assessed a “foreign debt tax”. Soon, mansions and military style compounds were being built inside the “zone”. The government was seizing private land and moving all politicians and their wealthiest supporters into the exempt zone. This was more than people could take. Luke remembered what his brother had once said; “The seeds of revolution are sown in the fertile soils of discontent”.

He looked at Ben and Tom as they watched the flares; their faces void of expressions, hardened by years of staying one-step ahead of the corrupt, bloodthirsty U.S.S.A. government hit squads. This was not the America his ancestors had died for. Or would it be, at the cost of his own life, the America he would leave his heirs. The War on Tyranny had taken many lives, including that of his nephew’s father. Luke’s commitment to honor his brother was second only to protecting his nephew’s, or insuring that they died with the honor of a warrior as their father had.

The crackle of the antique walkie-talkie snapped Luke back to reality. It was Taz. “Go Taz, what’s up?” Luke asked. “Look at your watch numb-nut” Taz shot back. “We’re going to fire this thing in fifteen minutes. Think you might want to get you and those boys the hell outta there?”

Ben and Tom heard the radio. All three scrambled up the riverbank and fired up the old Harleys. The short half-mile ride back to the power station was the best ride any of them could remember – it had a purpose. Taz and Eddie were waiting at the Western Whitehouse with the “button”. They were far enough behind the EMP to be safe. They wanted to be outside for the best view. Besides, if the EMP had the wrong affect on the nuclear reactor under the Supreme Court… Well at this distance they would never know.

"Spare Parts"

2009-08-16T17:25:00.000-07:00

I think I’m going to name this bike “Spare Parts”. That’s where a lot of the parts came from. Spare parts lying around, free parts from friends, found parts thrown away or just crap I couldn’t find so I just made. I’ve never named a bike before. I usually just call them bitch or piece of shit, and that normally has something to do with it refusing to start. So if this on refuses to start once in a while I can just shake my head and say; “You made it from ‘Spare Part’ what did you expect”?

There’s still a lot of small stuff to finish and I’m sure I’ll change some things, but it’s back in one piece and runs pretty darn good.

Starting Point
Two Weeks Ago
Today

Kicker Party

2009-08-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

Sunday I got enough of the Shovel done to run it. Still got more to do. Fenders, brakes, foot peg, lights, etc… All that stuff that’s nice to have, but not necessary to make it go. B.B. and Dave came over to see if the thing would start. The first part of the video is the first try after assembly. The next part is Dave and B.B. taking a turn. The bike is facing the other way because I took it for a spin around the block. That was a mistake. No rear fender, no place to mount the seat. The zip tie didn’t work. I hit 2nd gear, and the seat shot out from under me. The rear tire almost launched me like a conveyor belt. Won’t try that again!

S. O. B. !

2009-08-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

Screw that bastard Murphy and his stupid Laws! Boy did I make a boo-boo. Put the tranny back in, mounted the inner primary, got the clutch and belt drive in, then it hit me. Crap! Did I really just do that? Yep, I did. Well shit happens. Nothing that can’t be fixed pretty easily. Just a pain in the butt.

There’s a rookie mistake in the picture. The first one who spots it gets to call me a dumb ass. The second one that sees it can come fix it for me.
Answer: 8-3-09
I forgot to put the shifter shaft in. Goes in from the inside of the inner primary, “before” you mount the damn thing!

Something's Missing

2009-07-30T20:02:00.000-07:00

This may sound strange, but I don’t think my 07’ Heritage is a Harley. For the last few weeks I’ve been riding the old Ironhead. Tonight I took the Softail out for a spin. I don’t think I got one block before something just didn’t feel right. The sound wasn’t right; the engine was just too smooth. There’s something about the sound of those old cast-iron engines that the aluminum ones will never have. The feel of the road under your ass wasn’t there either. The ride was just way too soft; almost as if, dare I say; riding a Goldwing! The Heritage had no vibration. I missed it. The new bikes are fine, but I miss the feel of riding a frame with a engine bolted to it. Your whole body going numb from the vibration. The term “Milwaukee Vibrator” use to mean something. Now it’s just something they sell at Victoria’s Secret. Or maybe I’m just getting old and slowly going nuts.

Been Wrenching

2009-07-28T18:38:00.000-07:00

OK, I ain’t been around much, but I have a excuse; I’ve been wrenching. After I did the valves and ignition on my old Sporty one thing led to another. You know, like potato chips or sex. Once you start you can’t stop. It was running pretty good but not great. That led to a clean out of the old S&S carb. Now it was running really good, but I wasn’t happy. Did a little clutch work and the clutch lever felt about ten pounds lighter. This thing had always been set up as a solo ride, so I decided to see how it handled two up. That meant a rear seat and pegs. I put the P-Pad on, but the passenger didn’t like it, (they can be quite bitchy at times). We settled on the stock seat with a sissy bar. I also stole back the windshield B.B. was using on her bike. Don’t worry; I gave her another one I had that she likes even better. Took it out on a few two up rides between 50 and 100 miles and I was surprised. It ran and handled great, but… it leaves oil spot everywhere. After taking parts back off I spot a worn oil feed hose. On the trailer and off to a good steam cleaning. Every oil line on the bike gets replaced and the oil spots go away. Or so I thought. Now I can see a leak at the tranny main shaft. Tear it apart again. Fix the main shaft. Now the oil spots are gone. Now the old Ironhead runs like a raped ape, it’ll do over 100 MPH with two up and handles great. Guess I’ll start using it. But now that this one is good to go I still need someplace to direct all my caffeine. So I dug the Shovel out of the corner.

Before

Trailer Queen

After

After

Next Project

Old Bikes Need Care

2009-07-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

Got 185 psi of compression on both cylinders after the valve adjustment. That’s pretty darn good for a engine that I rebuilt in 1997. Now anything above 2000 RPM it has a miss. No backfiring out the exhaust or popping through the carb, just a miss. Real bothersome. Most of these old bikes can be pretty damn temperamental and have all kinds of little quirks. I was certain this was an ignition problem. Battery, check. Sparkplugs, check. Plug wires, check. Coil, check. Points, yes points. Check. For those that don’t remember points, they are little sticks of metal that spark and make the engine go suck bang boom.

A nice little electronic ignition unit could replace this mess and possibly be a little smoother idling, but I like messing with stuff. Besides, if some nut-case ever hits us with a electro magnetic pulse bomb, I’ll still be running. Any engine with a computer? Tits up.

All the basic stuff looks good so more checking. I take the point plate out and look at the timing advance assembly. Clean all the crud off it and look closer. If you look at where the spring loops on the pin you’ll see the mount holes on the flyweights are wallowed out, bad. The holes on the back for the stop pins are just as bad. The flyweights were coming out so far they were rubbing on the cam cover. The engine timing was jumping all over the place. A few more miles, I’m sure it would have quit running. I need to have a talk with my mechanic, that dude is slacking.

Why I don’t use Harley dealers? I called the local dealer. Asked the parts specialist if they had any flyweights and springs for an old XLH. He came back on the phone a few minutes later and said he looked in the book and couldn’t find any weights on the flywheel. WTF is this guy doing at a parts counter? Good-bye dumbshit. I went to the local independent bike shop and asked for flyweights. He said he didn’t have them, but he had a Accel Advance Unit, (weights, springs, mount plate, point cam, bolts, etc…). Great, I’ll take it! Point is, the guy knew what the hell I was looking for, and about $30 less than the dealer. Here’s the old one on the left and the new one on the right. Dave stopped by to see what’s up, so there was only one thing left to do. Go for a ride! Went out for a quick 10-mile or so ride and no problems. The old Sporty has new life.

Pop Quiz

2009-07-08T06:24:00.000-07:00

I started up my ’84 Ironhead the other day and it ran like crap. Rather than try and guess what the problem was, I decided to practice what I preach. I did a compression test and these are the results:
Front cylinder dry 125 psi
Front cylinder wet 125 psi
Rear cylinder dry 170 psi
Rear cylinder wet 170 psi
So, what is the logical place to look for the problem?

Marshmallow 101

2009-07-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

How to tell the sex of a marshmallow. More crap you never knew you wanted to know but were to afraid to ask.

Arizona Pre-Trip

2009-06-24T05:55:00.000-07:00

This was supposed to post the morning we left for Williams. Apparently unknown computer issues, or someone just screwing up, stopped that from happening. So I’ll post it now. That will give me time to work on a day-by-day accounting of the road-trip, at least the way I remember it. Besides, others may remember it differently, and I need the time to get my “facts” stright.

This is a dumb, stupid video thingy. But I do'ed it anyway. The singer is my cat on lots of catnip. By the time this hits the airwaves we’ll be headed to Arizona for a hook-up with Ann, Big D and AZ Harley Dude. Might even get some pictures, don’t know. Bye.

Flag Day

2009-06-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

Today, June 14th is Flag Day. Few people know or care anymore. My next-door neighbor and me rode out to the Capitola Mall (next to Santa Cruz, Ca), for their Flag Day celebration. Two things still surprise me about this.

1): Santa Cruz County is so lleft; it’s spelled with two l’s. I’m surprised they allow American Flags in public.

2): Me, being 50 years young, was the youngest Vet there. Where the hell are all the Vet’s from Lebanon, Grenada, Panama, The Gulf War, Iraq and Afghanistan? I know you guys are out there. Start going to these small events. Get out in the public, don’t fade away, again.

There were about fifty people there. About fifteen of them were Veterans. Two bikes in the whole parking lot, my neighbors and mine. That’s a damn shame. Somehow I keep winding up on mailing list for these types of events. I know it probably labels me as an “American Sympathizer” and I don’t care.

VD's New Ride

2009-05-25T18:00:00.000-07:00

For some time now Dave has been looking for a new ride. I know he’s been doing a ton of research trying to find just the right one. Mileage was his biggest concern. It has to get great MPG’s for those cross-country trips. Well, a while ago my phone rings (the private, unlisted disconnected one). It’s Dave. He sounds really excited. I asked him; “Dude, did you just get laid or something?” “No” he said. “I just found the perfect bike. You gotta come check it out!”

So I head down and check it out. When I get there he’s sitting, staring at it. I look at it and say; “Damn, that’s not even a bagger”. “Yea I know” Dave says. “But it gets 200 miles per gallon, has a 10 speed transmission and check out that custom chrome exhaust”. I got back on my bike and left. I just didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. I have a suspicion that a few more of those fat cells just busted.

(Note: This is all BS. Dave would never get a new ride without a stereo!)

Tire Pressure - The Ups And Downs

2009-05-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

The owner’s manual says 36 PSI. The tire says 41 PSI. Which is correct? Ask ten different people; you’ll get twelve different opinions. Ask me, I’ll give you a thirteenth opinion. Before we can answer this question we need to go back to the beginning. When Gork first invented the tire his only concern was moving Brontosaurs steaks around. He could easily lower the tire pressure with the use of a hammer and chisel. Increasing the pressure usually meant a new tire. In that respect, Gork was a lot like us, the tire pressure keeps going lower and lower without much attention. Many years later, one of his ancestors invented the air compressor, which is now the preferred method of adjusting tire pressure. But hey, if the hammer and chisel method works for you…

So, that still leaves the question of which is right. The book or the tire? In all honesty, I don’t know. This seems to be matter of personal preference and opinion. Ride and handling characteristics vary tire-to-tire, bike-to-bike and rider-to-rider. Weather, ambient air temperature and extreme changes in altitude can also affect tire pressure. Years ago most bike tires were pretty much the same, so you used whatever you could find cheap. Today, with the weight, horsepower and stopping ability of modern bikes, tires take on a life of their own, and quite possibly your life. When deciding on replacement tires you will always be safe going with the tires the bike manufacture recommends. Although that can be expensive, as there are many choices today. But you be the judge of what you spend your money on.

Over the past thirty some odd years, I’ve ran tires both ways; by the book and by the max pressure sidewall spec. I’ve noticed no difference in wear either way. I have noticed improvement in handling with the higher pressure. It might be all in my head, but then there’s some strange stuff floating around in there.

The reason I started to run higher pressures was a study I read a few years back. Yea, I know. Studies can be pretty darn skewed to suit your agenda. For every study I find for my side, you can find two studies for your side. I don’t recall the who, when and where the study was conducted, but I do remember the content. The study, and actual on road tests were conducted by a group of riders that I consider some of the best riders you’ll find on the road. Motor Officers. Guys that will weave in and out of 80 MPH traffic and make it look like second nature. I admire the job they do, and I would rather have them in front of me. Don't like them in my mirror.
All of the tests were done with street tires on dry roadway. No off-road or racing tires. Those are a whole different animal. They used several brands of tires, all of identical size, ply construction, speed and load ratings. There was no noticeable difference in stopping distance or control during normal riding. What made me try the higher pressure were the two following results: 1) There was a decrease in the occurrence of high-speed wobble, or “death-wobble” as I prefer to call it. 2) There was a “very noticeable” increase in control while executing high-speed turns and tight maneuvers. The reason given was the extra stiffness of the sidewalls, under the higher pressure, caused the sidewalls to resist rolling side to side. I’m not advocating one pressure setting over the other. I am saying that I run the higher pressure because I feel it gives me better control. Sometimes just the perception in your mind that you have a slight advantage is all it takes to avoid a very bad situation. But as with all things motorcycle, my final words are always “Let those who ride decide”.