Wednesday, December 24, 2008

A Politically Correct Christmas

T’was the night before layoffs,
And all through the shop,
The foreman was screaming,
Just blowing his top.

The boss was all cozy,
In his overstuffed chair,
Counting his bonus,
Without shedding a tear.

The workers were begging,
To stay on the clock,
Their bills were all due,
The foreclosures won’t stop.

The presents were all wrapped,
With great love and care,
With hopes that the taxman,
Would soon not be there.

The taxman arrived,
Their candles he doused,
He said you must leave here,
This is no longer your house.

Out into the night,
For shelter they seeked,
No doors would be opened,
The neighbors would not speak.

They died in the cold,
From hunger and frost,
The Republic is crumbling,
Our Country maybe lost.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

When Hell Freezes Over

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

Of course, the corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven...thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh My God."

This student received the only "A" in the class.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Pet Gift Ideas

Some people have pet dogs, cats, horses, rabbits, snakes etc.. etc.. The Blogs have a pet sasquatch. I’m sure he lurking around here someplace. I’ve often wondered just what to get a sasquatch for Christmas. When I saw these, I knew they would be the perfect gifts.

[Sorry Masterchief, the little voices in my head said do it. So I done it.]

Friday, December 19, 2008

Just Politics

This has nothing to do with bikes, just politics. This is a commentary from KSCO radio in Santa Cruz, CA. When I heard it I thought it was the best scientific explanation of how our government works I had ever heard.

First, the radio station: One of the last privately owned stations that I know of. Talk format. Mostly live call-in shows. Host all live local. Some syndication at night.

Second, Kay Zwerling: Kay is the mother of the station owner. I had the honor of meeting Kay on Flag Day this year. KSCO sponsors a Flag Day event each year. Kay is a small woman, 70 something years old. After spending some time with her these are my thoughts on Kay: Kay is what I call a spitfire, and she won’t take sh*t from anyone. I don’t think I’ve ever meet anyone who loves this country more. But I got the impression that she thinks the “Powers That Be” are a-holes. I have listened to, and read a lot of Kay’s commentaries. She has two types. Type 1 will have you ROTFLUFAO. Type 2 will have you reaching for the KY-Jelly because you know you’re about to get screwed again.

2008-12-12 Posted At : 3:29 PM Posted By : KSCO PodcastsRelated Categories: Podcasts
The following is a KSCO commentary. Here is Kay Zwerling. I didnメt know this exciting information, but Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element Governmentium has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called Morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called Peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, but it takes from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half life of two to six years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentiumメs mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. This characteristic of morons promotion leads many scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass (or morasses). When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. So, kudos to the Lawrence Livermore Laboratory for discovering this heaviest element yet known to science ヨ and further kudos to my business buddy and friend, Michael Olson, for apprising us of this stunning information. Now, We the People can see why Governmentium is in a constant state of confusium and corruptium. For KSCO, this is Kay Zwerling. ᄅ copyright 2008

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Snow? In Monterey, CA?

OK OK. What goes around comes around. I’ve been making fun of the folks who live in the colder parts of our country. Well we got a little taste of, how should I put it, colder than us wussies would care for weather. This mourning it was 31 degrees when I left for work. Yes, that’s a heat wave to some of you. And it rained last night. It took ten minutes for the ice to melt on my windshield. No, I did not scrape it off. I just sat in my truck with the heater blasting until I could see through that nasty stuff. It was to damn cold to get out. Both my right side windows were frozen shut and would not go down.

Yea, I know. I should have just jumped on a bike and went to work. But like I said, you get a little wussiefied with the normal weather here. Besides, there was ice on the roads. I just couldn’t resist playing with the traction control on some of the turns. That’s still fun.

Anyway, here are a few pictures of Mt. Toro and the Gabilan Mt. Range I took from my shop. They range in elevation from 1500 to 3000 Ft. and are about 15 miles away. That’s still a little to close for me. If those mountains move any closer I’ll have to fabricate some sort of snowcyclemobile.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Christmas Shopping Rant

I don’t know about anybody else, but this Christmas I will not be shopping at Wal-mart, Target or any large blood sucking corporate store that sells nothing but cheap Chinese shit. I will try to make damn sure every nickel I spend stays local. Our money needs to stay in this country.

There are plenty of small stores around. Just look. If I spend anything, I want to spend it with store owners who live here. Parking might be harder. Might not be as convenient as a big ass mall. But so what. I’m looking for products clearly labeled “Made In USA”, and sold by local merchants. If I can’t find it, I don’t need it or I’ll look elsewhere. I will definitely not buy any Harley-Davidson “Merchandise” that’s not made in this country.

I also won’t fault anyone else for shopping where they please. Money is tight. There have been lay-offs, cut backs, down sizing and so on. Times are tough. You gotta do what you gotta do. I’m just tired of “out-sourcing” my money, and will no longer buy based on a cheap price alone

I often have discussions and bitch about this stuff. So it’s about time I take my own advice. I may not be able to find some things made in the US. But I will look a lot closer and buy American made products when possible. So if anyone spots me in a “corporate” store, kick my ass and take my checkbook.

Now, having said all that, I just finished putting up a fake ass plastic Christmas tree. Made in China, purchased at Target in 2001.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Winter Chores Vs. Riding Time

After seeing the ice storms on the East Coast, I almost feel sorry for them folks. Dealing with that type of weather can really cut into your riding time. Shoveling snow, scraping ice off your bike, getting studded snow tires put on your bike. That all takes up valuable riding time. Well here in Calif. we have winter issues also. Take yesterday. While mowing the lawn I thought "damn, this is taking a long time". It was because of all the leaves. Usually I have to empty the grass catcher 2 or 3 times. With the leaves I have to empty it 8 or 9 times. That's wasted riding time.

Notice that the bikes are still in the garage? That's just not right! It' s all because of them leaves taking up time.
That's a lot of work hauling all them leaves to the yard waste container. It burns up riding time.

And do you see all the leaves left in the trees? Those things will be dropping for the next 2 to 3 months. That will really start to cut into time that could be better spent riding. Boy, are you folks on the East Coast lucky you don't have to deal with the rotten weather we have here.

All kidding aside, I hope all of you on the East Coast are safe. When I lived there I worked for the High-Way Dept. So being out in ice storms was our job. That stuff was deadly. Be safe.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

The Problem With Politicians

When I saw this picture, I knew instantly what was wrong with our politicians today. Now the only question is: How to remove it?