Sunday, December 26, 2010

Bah Humbug!

That’s right bah humbug! This Christmas bites. I feel more like the Grinch form Dr. Seuss. So here’s my cheerful holiday BS message for everyone.

Here’s the scoop. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a blog. But there’s a good reason. The reason is “I’ve got a big mouth”. A little more that a month ago I went to a city council meeting to vent about the morons in charge. As Mr. Mayor was explaining his wisdom to the masses, I suggested a nice dark, warm place he could stick his ideas where they would harm no one butt him. Well it seems that Mr. Mayor can’t take constructive criticism and ask the nice Mr. Policeman to escort me out of the building for the rest of the meeting. No problem, I’ll be back for the next one. He walks me outside ‘and’ gives me a ticket for disorderly conduct. Prick!

Three days later I go to municipal court to pay the fine. The Judge says $100 fine. OK, I did it, I’ll pay it. But then this little shit judge, (that I know is buddy-buddy with Mr. Mayor), starts to lecture me about respect for public officials and blah blah blah all that crap. Well I’m there to pay a fine not listen to his rant. So I suggested that he join Mr. Mayor in his never-ending quest to remove his head from his ass. For some reason he considered that contempt and changed the fine to $300 or 30 days. I asked him if that meant I could live on county welfare for 30 days? He asked me if I was paying the fine. I said nope. He banged his stick and said ’30 days’ and I need to report to the jail Monday by 3:00 PM.

Well I’ve got all kinds of time-off saved. So arrangements are made and off on vacation we go. Turned out to be 17 days in my tax money paid hotel. But now I’m back and I’ll probably be even more dangerous now that I’m a public nuisance and a menace to society and all that stuff.

I want to thank the local Bloggers for not spilling the beans before I had a chance to tell my side of the story. Not that there really is any sides to it. Just a guy that has little if any trust in politicians. Screw them all, bah humbug! Pretty soon they’ll want to ban bikers from all public meetings.

And on a different note, I have a comment for someone. You know who you are. WTF is wrong with you? There’s an order to things in the universe. Why did you try to change them? You can stop to piss. You can stop to gas. You can stop to eat. You can’t stop just because it’s raining! That’s just wrong. It’s against everything in the Biker Code of Conduct. That’s like fooling with Mother Nature. Only bad things can happen when try to change the natural order of things.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Doing My Part

Now that CA has it’s dumb EPA bike muffler law, I figured I’d do my part and try to comply. Hell, I’m the most law-abiding citizen you’ll ever meet. So I took a set of heat shields off a ’08 and stuck them on the end of the drag pipes on the Shovel. That’s as far as I’m willing to go with this dumb-ass law. In my mind it’s now ’08 EPA compliant. Friggen genius ain’t it!

But this kind of intellectual reasoning comes at great pains. It also puts some strange thoughts in your head. Like the Easter Bunny. I have a sneaky suspicion that the Easter Bunny is the illegitimate kid of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Think about it. Makes perfect sense. The Fairy spends all her time bent over a bed and Santa love tight spaces. Seems to me that they met up a few times over the years. Where do you think all those little elves came from?

Since they serve no purpose and look pretty strange, I think I’ll leave them on.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


I took this picture in a dark bar one night in Williams, AZ. It’s a pair of army boots and a U.S. flag hanging from a ceiling beam. I figure today is a good day to share it.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

5 Month Road Trip

Gary, from over at USA Tour on a Harley-Davidson was spotted in town last night. He had his starlet-covered bike with him. I don’t know who painted Gary’s Road King, but the guy’s a genius! That paint is gorgeous in person.

Looks like he’s nearing the end of his 5-month putt. Gary sure as hell was happy about it. Not sure if it was from getting near the end, or being able to start Summer on the East Coast and end Autumn on the West Coast. That kind of ride would sure make me happy. It’s something we all dream about.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Cheap Crap

This thing was handling like crap. Finally found the problem.

Here’s Ms. Wrench Wench inspecting the cheap stock Harley bolt that broke. I’ve never seen one of these bolts fail before. The next time I’m at our Failure Analysis Lab, this bolt will be under the microscope for a better look. I’m sure Harley would say that I’m to hard on it or I ride it too much. That seems to be their answer for everything.

This is the pain in the ass that cheap bolt caused. At a cost of $14 for new parts, none of them Harley, I’m glad my live-in mechanic works cheap. I’m sure the Stealership would add a few 0’s to the cost, and probably screw it up anyway.

Sunday, October 17, 2010


I’m on about my 9th or 10th cup of java and a thought entered my vacuum. It’s common knowledge that those in AA tend to drink a butt load of coffee. Basically replacing one addiction with another. There’s always a big pot of coffee on the table at any AA meeting.

So I was just wondering, if I went out a found a ‘Caffeine Anonymous’ meeting, would there be a keg of Bud on the table? Somehow nothing is making sense too me right now. I think it’s the caffeine buzz taking over my mind.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Road Art

Ya just never know what you’ll see at a Army surplus store. Went out to J&S Surplus in Moss Landing today. Just to look around, they’ve got some neat stuff. Plus a pretty good Biker Leather store.

This sculpture is a new addition. I suspect the artist is somewhere in the Santa Cruz mountains tending his ‘weed’ patch with a big ole’ shit-eating grin on his face.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Tramp Lives

Yes folks, the Road Whore’s got a ride again. My advice? ‘Hide your livestock!’.

Had a great time helping a Brother save a butt-load of gas money. Plus, not many folks will let you do surgery on a ’08. They still take it to the dealer, and I still can’t figure out why. The above inner primary bearing is a example of why I will never take a bike to a dealer.

VD’s doing a movie so I’m not going to step on his dick. But this bearing pissed me off. Dealer installed around 10,000 miles ago. There were several things wrong with the installation of it, but this one just stood out like a erection at a nun convention. Most school-trained tech’s would pull the ring and press the bearing out. Bad move schoolboy. Us backyard boys inspect as we tear down. Look at every detail. Don’t clean or disassemble components until you get good look at stuff.

Right were that zip tie is sitting, is a oil-hole drilled through the snap-ring grove. The ears on that ring need to be on either side of the hole. The dumbass that installed it cut the life giving fluid to a drip. The poor bearing was starved to death. Bearing killer!!!

Monday, September 20, 2010

A Chapter In Life

We loaded up my little girls’ car and my truck Saturday, made the three-hour drive and got her moved into her college dorm. Three hours isn’t that far, but for a dad it seems like the other side of the world. She’s happy so I’m happy. I’m proud of her accomplishments. But I’m also saddened and depressed by the empty bedroom. I know it’s just another chapter in life, but it kind of sucks.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

No stories. Just some pictures from the last trip to AZ.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Plan

There’s more to a bikini Birthday bash than the party, there’s the trip there. So here’s the plan: I’d like to get out of here around 3-4 on Friday afternoon. That should put us somewhere on the Tehachapi Pass around 0:Dark 30. Find a place for the fartsack and some deep thoughts. Then, and only then, ride into the Desert at sunrise. It’s one of the best head-shrink sessions that money can’t buy.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Caveman Broke My Bike!

Well sort of. It’s been leaning over to far on the stand for some time. Figured something was worn and it could wait. Friday night it leaned wayyy over. Something’s not right. Now, possession being 9/10th of the law and since Caveman was riding it… Just kidding. Looked at it the next day, crap! The kickstand mount ripped out of the frame. After Ann and Big D. left Sunday, I pulled the engine and welded the sucker. Good as new.

When desert dwellers come out here what do they want to see? Ain’t you got no water in Arizona? That visit was way to short. I’m not buying that excuse about going to work. Wanting to get your kid off for the first day of school? OK, that I buy.

BTW – Tramp & Patience did get hitched. It’s their story, so you’ll have to wait for the ‘official’ version.

Friday, August 6, 2010


In less than 24 hours this will all change. B.B. won’t be sitting by the ocean waiting for her ship to come in, and Dave won’t be laying on train tracks waiting for…I’m not really sure why he’s on the tracks. It looks like a bad idea.

These two kids will be hitched forever. I’ve never met two people that just seemed so right for each other. Except for me and mine, (I had to say that or it’s the couch for me). I wish you two all the happiness in the world and many, many years of riding into the sunset together. Congratulations!

Look at who just showed up at my house! It's Ann & Big D. While they may be here to witness the ceremony, I have it on good authority that they’re really here to guard the exits so nobody can try an escape.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Use Your Brain, Please!

We had the MotoGP here this weekend. As usual, someone was killed due to someone else having their head up their ass. I just don’t get it. These were not kids, although they were on very friggen fast bikes, in heavy traffic! I ride that road all the time. You don’t make a u-turn on a normal day. And how can the bikes going the other way be so inattentive that they don’t see what’s ahead of them? Speed baby! You just left the racetrack and now you’re a racer. Well I got news for you. That piece of shit you’re riding isn’t the same thing they run on the track. Not even f’ing close! Stop doing that crap in traffic. You’re killing the ones that support you!

There are some later unconfirmed reports that alcohol may be involved. Which brings up another rant. Booze and bikes don’t mix. Save it for when the ride is over. A split second of slowed reaction time is all it takes to kill your best friend.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Psychic Or Just Crazy

When news broke that the President had been assassinated on a trip abroad, the first act of the newly sworn in ex-Vice President was a promise of immediate reprisals against the terrorists responsible. The Country went into a deep state of mourning and cries for war filled every headline and newscast. Three days later it was learned that the Presidents own Party, for political reasons, had carried out the murder. The entire fabric of society was shredded within hours. All business and commerce ceased. It was now anarchy rule. The world was powerless to stop it.

In the weeks and months following the collapse of society the entire Country was thrown into total chaos. Neighborhoods banded together and barricaded the streets. Gangs of thieves roamed the cities and towns. It was now survival of the fittest and no one was exempt from the carnage. Two types of people were commonly shot on sight; any ex-politician, as they were seen as the cause of all problems that now engulfed the Country, and any known gang-banger. As one between the eyes was considered the best way to deal with dangerous animals.

“Maybe I’ll finish this story, maybe I won’t. Could be the beginning is the end. Or the end is the beginning. Could be I’m just crazy. Maybe I’m psychic and can see the future. Could be maybe I’m psychic and can see the past”. Just have a good time and don’t sweat the small stuff. It’ll all work out in the end. Gotta’ go now. I hear the black helicopters!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Tip Of The Iceberg

Bell, California. Population – 38,000 (small town).
Per capita income - $24,800 in 2008.
Chief Admin. Officer - $787,637 w/12% annual raise.
Chief-O-Police - $457,000.
City Council - $100,000 to meet once a month.

Apparently the good folks of Bell were not aware of this until someone mentioned it at a City Council meeting four days ago. Yep, you guessed it, all hell broke loose. Since then several City Fathers of Bell have resigned. With their public pensions intact of course. California Attorney General, Jerry ‘Moonbeam” Brown says he will investigate the matter. Yea, ok Jerry. Any wonder why every state, city and town is broke? I’m sure this is just the tip of the iceberg and us, the taxpayers, are a bunch of fools for allowing it.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Really Dumb Question

“I wake up in the morning and I know it’s going to be good if I stick out my elbows and they don’t pump wood”. That’s a line from a song I just heard. Good damn song. Heard it on KPIG radio. Something about that line bothered me; ‘What’s he talking about?’ Is he talking about waking up and pushing up on the inside of a wood coffin? Or, is he talking about the other kind of wood? The kind of wood that’s the scourge of women everywhere that like to sleep late when daddy likes to get up early?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Never Said I Was PC

You want real border control? No, this isn’t PC, but it’ll work.
Build one of these every mile...

And put two of these in it.
Nothing comes across the border you don’t want coming across the border.

The tower can keep them in place while the guys in the trucks find out who they are and what they want.
Like I said, it may not be PC, but a fence and asking nice doesn’t seem to be working.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Scary Times

I was just watching a report that the Congressional Budget Office released today. I got up and walked away. What they said, in round numbers, was that in 2008 our debt was 40% of our Gross Domestic Product. Today it’s 60% of our GDP. At current spending levels they predict in 10 – 15 years our debt will be 100% of our GDP.

There’s not much happy crap in that report, but there is one silver lining in the cloud over DC. If they are correct, then it’s possible that we could have a Revolution in my lifetime. Not that I really want one. It would destroy this country as we know it. But if we’re bound and determined to have one and it’s unavoidable, I’d prefer to be able-bodied when it happens. Just saying.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

New (Old) Air Cleaner

Got my hands on a few freebie air cleaners. One is from something in the early 1980’s. These things were fuggley ugly when they came out and they’re even uglier now. So naturally I had to put in on the Shovel. I must say that this is the biggest ugliest damn air cleaner I’ve ever seen. So hell yes it’s staying! Now I’ve got to move the oil gauge, I can’t see it. It’s a never-ending battle messing with these old bikes. Just one more part that has no business being on this bike. Which is kind of the whole point in doing it.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Weekend Pictures

There’s a whale out there someplace.

Pacific Coast Hwy photo op.

Bixby Bridge.

AZHD thinking about moving to CA.

Fishing or pissing, I’m not sure.

Believe it or not, the old guy being ‘talked’ to by the cop was washing his pick-up window with Windex. The wind blew some Windex on the car parked next to his and the b*tch called the man. And they actually showed up! I’ve got to talk with the Mayor about this crap.

bob showed up Saturday and got some new extended feet holder thingy’s.
Yes, he brought mq01 with him. (She won’t let bob go out alone).

A note to the last person that wrenched on bob: You work for a dealership, act like it! If you strip a bolt, and you know damn well you did, replace it you jackass!

What I found Sunday morning. Just like bears to honey.

Dave gives Paul a going away present.

Bye till next time.