Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A Southern Baptist What?

(My wife sent this to me, (e-mailed from 30 feet away). I don’t know why. I’m thinking it’s a hint for Mothers Day. But I could be wrong.)

You ever heard of a Southern Baptist bra?

A man walks into the lingerie department of Macy's in New York City. He tells the sales lady, "I would like a Southern Baptist bra for my wife, size 34B." With a quizzical look the sales lady asks, "What kind of bra?" He repeats, "A Southern Baptist bra. My wife said to tell you that she wanted a Southern Baptist bra, and that you would know what she wanted." "Oh, yes, now I understand," says the sales lady. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra, the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra." Confused, and a little flustered, the man asks, "So, what are the differences?"The sales lady responds, "It's really quite simple. The Catholic bra supports the masses, the Salvation Army bra lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright." He muses on that information for a minute and says, "Hmm. I know I'll regret asking, but what does the Southern Baptist bra do?" She replied, "Well, the Southern Baptist bra makes mountains out of molehills."

Saturday, April 25, 2009

While We Were Sleeping

I’ve been slacking on the Blogs, but I’ve been doing research. I don’t know how many of you follow the goings-on in the fustercluck we call Congress, but I do. I think the shit has finally hit the fan. Under the guise of socialized healthcare, which is on the way, Representative Olivia Wells, D-South Dakota, has introduced House Bill 1984. The Bill has to do with removing unsafe vehicles from public roads. One of the vehicles listed is “two-wheeled vehicles of more than 25 net horsepower”. Ms. Wells reasoning is that this type of vehicle is “ dangerous and cost the taxpayer an unbearable amount due to under-insured operators”. “If the owners of such vehicles won’t take the responsibility for their medical needs, then legislation must be passed for the safety of the public”. Is she freakin’ nuts! Do you understand what she’s saying?

Now I’m pretty sure that this doesn’t have a chance in hell of passing. That doesn’t mean it’s not a first step toward more freedoms down the toilet. Understand, the insurance companies have a huge lobby and will do “anything” for a profit. I can already picture the ad campaign; “When motorcycles are outlawed, only outlaws will have motorcycles”. Sound familiar? If we don’t get off our asses and ask these people “WTF are you thinking?” then we’re screwed and deserve what we get. Have a nice day.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Weekend - Thus Far

Saturday was good. The weather was overcast and never got above 60 degrees, but never the less, a ride must happen. Dave, Bob and I, (or me, I get those two mixed up), headed south on 101 to Soledad. Then picked up a back road that ran along the base of the mountain down to King City. In King City we headed into the mountains and went north on CA 25. 25 goes over several mountains, full of turns, straights, passes and cattle ranches. There was no real destination in mind, so we just ran CA 25 for about 100 miles and wound up on the other side of Hollister. Then back on 101 to Salinas. Just another day spent with friends. By the way, Bob’s a ex-HD salesman. But who am I to judge someone, we rode with him anyway. There were a few things that made for Kodak moments:

This mailbox was interesting. Someone put a lot of work into it.

This was strange. The guy’s got cars buried like headstones by his barn.

This one just made me feel proud of what this Country still stands for.

Sunday morning I decided to go too the top of the Grade separating Salinas Valley and Carmel Valley. If you get up there right at sunrise you can look down at Carmel Valley covered in fog before it burns off.

Well I got there in time to get a few pictures, but I also got a Easter present on the way. Heading out CA 68 to the Grade there’s not a car in site. Great. I get to the turn off, get in the left turn lane and wait on the light to change. Actually I was about to run the light. Like I said; “Not a car in sight”. All of a sudden I hear someone shouting “Hey”. I look to the right and there’s a CHP car next too me. Shit! Where did this guy come from? He’s a kid. Can’t be much older than my socks. As soon as he said “Slow down” instead of “Pull over” I knew it was my lucky day. Hey, I was doing 85 in a 55 zone and had a good idea it was illegal. When I got back to town I bought a lottery ticket for the April 15th , Tax Day, drawing.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Final Battle V

The sudden whine of the EMP generators starting up brought Luke quickly back to reality. He looked at his watch – eleven o’clock. “They’re not supposed to fire these things ‘till midnight!” he shouted. He hurriedly found his walkie-talkie and pushed the talk button: “Eddie, Taz?” “What the hell’s going on?” “You guys there? Come in.” Taz’s static altered voice squawked out of the 1970’s era Radio Shack T/C 350 child’s toy. Not much for sound quality, but modern jamming equipment had no affect on it. “Yea, were here. Wad’a want?” Luke replied: “It’s a hour early, what’s going on down there?” “Relax old man” the static box shot back. “We’re testing the controls. You want them to work later, don’t you?” “OK” said Luke. “You could’ve warned us. You almost gave me a damn heart attack.” “Heart attack this” Taz replied. Luke knew Taz was holding his middle finger up to the radio.

The three returned to their seats on the logs. The boys had a good laugh at Luke’s expenses. Luke eventually joined in the laughter. Yea, it was funny. Him jumping around like a spaz. Fumbling around for the walkie-talkie. He knew the controls would have to be tested. But they could have warned him. Luke figured Taz had done it on purpose. After all, he did get his nickname from an old cartoon character. He made a mental note to return the “favor” at the appropriate time.

“All right students” Luke began. “Settle down. History class is back in session.” “After the credit card dilemma, we had millions of people coming over to our side almost overnight. We had to get organized, and fast. We now had the manpower to occupy and control large areas. Not just hit targets and disappear into the night.” “We also had a lot of hungry mouths to feed. The U.S.S.A. still controlled all of the shipping ports, so most of the imported food was going to Wall Street conglomerates”. “We decided to put our strength into controlling the borders to the North and South. That way we could bring food in.” “Once the borders were secured the ACF turned its attention to the vast farmlands in our country. People in the rural farming communities were glad to see us. They were getting screwed so badly, they had no use for the government anymore”.

Luke paused to fill and light his pipe again. After a few deep puffs he continued: “Now that we controlled the land borders and most of the in-country food supply, the government was getting nervous”. “They couldn’t get any rice or grains to export to China anymore. Most of the dry goods that China imported we managed to destroy in their warehouses. So the overseas countries started cutting way back on exports to the U.S.S.A. Besides, payment was getting spotty. Greenbacks were barely worth the paper they were printed on, and they weren’t having any of that credit card shit”.

The night sky above DC lit-up in brilliant flashes of miniature exploding suns. “Flares” said Luke. “Just some of the boys having fun. They want to make sure all of those bastards in DC are awake when the real fun begins”. “Wouldn’t want them to sleep through their own funeral now, would we.” Looking across the river they could see The National Mall, The Capitol Building, The Lincoln Memorial, all backlit from the flares. It was a majestic site. Luke picked up the bottle of Jim Beam a took a big swig. “Come on boys. Lets go down to the river bank and watch the fireworks”. Luke started singing “Oh say can you see, by the dawns early light…”

Saturday, April 4, 2009

CA Helmet Law Update

California Assembly Bill AB 1205, to amend the CA helmet law, survived the reading on 3-30-09 and has been sent to the Transportation Committee with a hearing set for 4-20-09. And one more coauthor signed on. There are now eight. We might have a chance this time. But we as a voting block must remember that these people work for us, not the other way around. Take a minute and send your Senator a email. If you don’t make your voice heard now, don’t complain later.

California Senate Bill SB 435, motorcycle smog check, also survived it’s first reading (ugh). It’s set for a hearing on 4-14-09. The good news is that not one person has signed on as a coauthor. Hopefully they see it as an expense that is not justified at this time.

Here’s another CA bill that motorcyclist may be interested in. AB 357. I love the bill number. It will change the concealed carry language from “may issue” to “shall issue”. What the hell is going on in California? Are they actually trying to give the people “Rights”? Will wonders never cease.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Thought Of The Day

First it started out with this “Too Big To Fail” crap. Which led to:
Only Big American Monopolies Apply.

Then we started to see where this administration is going:
One Big Agenda Making Apparatus.

Now we’re kissing the Brit’s butts; who mentioned “New World Order” in their closing speech at that G20 fustercluck. Makes me think we might:
Offer British Armies Massachusetts Again.

Pretty soon, in order to keep us quiet and not let others know what’s happening, they’ll have to start:
Orderly Beating America’s Malcontent Adults.

The way the cards are being dealt so far, it’s starting to look like:
One Big Astounding Mistake America!